IELTS Writing. Would you help me.

Hi, Thank you for reading this. I'm going to take an IELTS exam next month. I'm so worry about my writing. Would you help me to correct the essay below? Thank you very much!

TOPIC:
Some people think a police force carrying guns will increase the crime rate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Whether the police man 1 carrying guns or not 2 will increase the crime rate is an open issue that has aroused much controversy.

Some people tend to believe that police force carrying guns drives up the crime rate. To start with, Some armed officers abuse their authority.  guns and right which, originally, the government gave to them to help others. Specifically, these armed polices usually bully They use these weapons to intimidate law-abiding citizens or to punish criminals stringently just by their own will, in their own sense of justice. which causes tension and conflicts between them. This sort of actions only escalate tensions.  Moreover, unintended gunshot do happens sometimes. Apparently, unintended gunshots threaten to citizens, which may cause mental and physical hurt. However most of the time, these happen due to intentional firing as a means of scare tactics to force citizens into submission. 3   Finally, the Then there are cases whereby these guns fall into the wrong hands.which supposed belong to police may possessed by criminals. It is not uncommon that rampant offenders use gun which comes from police, and violate the low.

However, many individuals On the other side, many argue that there are is no definite link between with gun carrying polices carrying guns and the increased rate in crime rate. Firstly, Armed officers can combat crimes more efficiently and safely especially in serious crimes such as armed robbery. especial armed crimes. With guns carrying, polices could restrain criminals who are committing a crime, thereby decreasing crimes and keeping society safe and stable.4 Additionally, guns could protect police themselves and citizens. For instance, armed police could protect individuals when these who under attack. Last but not least, polices fells more confident when they are carrying guns. Due to self confident, polices working more efficiently, therefore curb the proliferation of crimes. 5 When police carry guns, they give the public a sense of security and protection, knowing that they are well protected.  Not only this, potential criminals will have to think twice in committing crime knowing that the police is well prepared for them.

Given the pros and cons, this topic is indeed controversial with no end result in sight to which way we should go.  However, given the situation of the society I live in, it is my opinion that gun carrying police actually decreases the crime rate.  To prevent rogue cops in the police force, the laws must be stringently enforced to all offenders including the culprits themselves and their superiors.

In summary, I would concede that police carrying guns may increase crime rate.6 In spite of this, since combating crimes and protecting effect, I believe police force carrying guns actually decreasing crime rate. Overall, I am convinced the armed officers should be well-advised to use guns abiding by the laws.

1.  Alternatively, "Whether a policeman..."

2.  See #3 http://www.italki.com/knowledge/page/Common%20English%20Errors.htm

3.  I only correct your English here.  However as the examiner, I do not consider this as a valid argument to the topic. It is a direct cause to the rise in crime.  It's the abuse of authority and there are no clear laws to enforce such misconduct of the officers.上樑不正下樑歪. An ordinary London bobby carries only a baton.

4.  This is redundant.  You have already said in the previous sentence.  What I wrote is a different reason if you are just satisfying the line count of the essay in your test.  Again this is no a factor in increasing or decreasing the crime rate.  A crime has already been committed and now is a statistic.  Using guns in prevention of crime is what you need to argue for.

5.  All these are superfluous.  Any logical thinking person will understand and need not be said.  It is like 画蛇添足.

6.  I don't see any convincing argument from you that which way is better from the other.  However, you can say whatever is YOUR opinion.

IELTS Writing. Would you help me.

Hi, Thank you for reading this. I'm going to take an IELTS exam next month. I'm so worry  worried about my writing. Would you help me to correct the essay below? Thank you very much!

TOPIC:
Some people think a police force carrying guns will increase the crime rate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Whether policeman carrying guns increases the crime rate is an issue that has aroused controversy.

Some people tend to believe that police force carrying guns drives up the crime rate. To start with, some armed officers abuse guns and right which, originally ?, the government gave to lets them to help others. Specifically, these armed polices usually bully law-abiding citizens or punish criminals stringently just by their own will, which causes tension and conflicts between them. Moreover, unintended gunshot happens sometimes. Apparently, unintended gunshots threaten to citizens, which may cause mental and physical hurt. Finally, the guns which supposed to be belonged to police may possessed by criminals. It is not uncommon that rampant offenders use gun which comes from police, and violates the low. law
However, many individuals argue that there are no definite link between police's carrying guns and increased the increasing crime rate. Firstly, armed officers combat crimes more efficiently, especial armed crimes. With guns carrying, polices could restrain criminals who are committing a crime, thereby decreasing crimes and keeping society safe and stable. Additionally, guns could protect police themselves and citizens too. For instance, armed police could protect individuals when these who is under attack. Last but not least, polices fells feel more confident when they are carrying guns. Due to self confident, polices can working more efficiently, therefore curb the proliferation of crimes.

In summary, I would concede that police carrying guns may increase crime rate. In spite of this, since it also has combating crimes and protecting effect, I believe police force carrying guns actually decreasing can decrease crime rate. Overall, I am convinced the armed officers should be well-advised to use guns abiding by the under laws.

i think u can ask a native english speaker to correct it        i am not so good at it     i only can correct some grammer mistakes   hehe