弟と一緒にハガレン
よろしくおねがいします。私の文章を正してください。私は正しい言葉を使うっているのがしたいです。てつだってくれておねがいします。
I'm still learning the kanji to apply to my existing vocabulary, so my writing is a mix of basic kanji and hiragana. If I don't know a word that I need, I try to find it in a dictionary, but that means I might not use it correctly or there might be a more accurate word for my meaning. My goals are to be grammatically accurate and to use words with the right nuance of meaning for the context.
今日の文章:
今回は弟が「鋼の錬金術師」を観ています。私は弟にそれがいい話でとても面白いで楽しいもと言いました。弟が観て後、彼と一緒にいつもたくさん話します、時々二時間。彼の一番好きの人たちがホークアイやマスタングをです。うれしいなぜなら私もホークアイやマスタングを好きです。でも私は一番好きの人をきめるのが難しいです。オリヴィエ•アームストロングもとてもいいです。イズミもアルもランファンもリンヤオもグリードも… しかしはじめられる、止めるありません。みんなを好きがいいませんか？ 荒川先生がとても上手作家です。
Today's text:
Recently, my younger brother has been watching Fullmetal Alchemist. I told my younger brother that it is a good story, very interesting and enjoyable. After my brother watches a few episodes, we always talk a lot, sometimes for two hours. His favorite characters are Hawkeye and Mustang. That pleases me, because I also like Hawkeye and Mustang. But it's difficult for me to decide who I like the most. Olivier Armstrong is very good too. And Izumi, and Al, and Lan Fan, and Ling Yao, and Greed… If I get started, I won't be able to stop. (Once I get started, there's just no stopping.) Can't I like everyone? Arakawa-sensei is a very skilled writer.
Notes:
I'm still struggling to get the syntax right for complex sentences. I'm pretty sure my second, third, and ninth sentences are terrible, and I'm not sure the tenth sentence says what I mean. My skill level is a bit low for making complex sentences, but I'm eager to reach that degree of fluency, so I'm stretching myself by practicing them anyway. I would greatly appreciate any tips you have for improving my syntax. おねがいします！
There are certain parts of my text that I know are trouble spots or that I have questions about. There isn't enough room here to mention them, so I've added them in a comment below. I'd be very grateful if you would take a look at those too.
時間をあげましたのでありがとうございます。Thank you for taking the time to help me.
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Corrections · 8
2
弟と一緒にハガレン
よろしくおねがいします。私の文章を正してください。私は正しい言葉を使うっているのがしいたいです。てつだってくれてださい。おねがいします。
I'm still learning the kanji to apply to my existing vocabulary, so my writing is a mix of basic kanji and hiragana. If I don't know a word that I need, I try to find it in a dictionary, but that means I might not use it correctly or there might be a more accurate word for my meaning. My goals are to be grammatically accurate and to use words with the right nuance of meaning for the context.
今日の文章:
Today's text:
Recently, my younger brother has been watching Fullmetal Alchemist. I told my younger brother that it is a good story, very interesting and enjoyable. After my brother watches a few episodes, we always talk a lot, sometimes for two hours. His favorite characters are Hawkeye and Mustang. That pleases me, because I also like Hawkeye and Mustang. But it's difficult for me to decide who I like the most. Olivier Armstrong is very good too. And Izumi, and Al, and Lan Fan, and Ling Yao, and Greed… If I get started, I won't be able to stop. (Once I get started, there's just no stopping.) Can't I like everyone? Arakawa-sensei is a very skilled writer.
Notes:
I'm still struggling to get the syntax right for complex sentences. I'm pretty sure my second, third, and ninth sentences are terrible, and I'm not sure the tenth sentence says what I mean. My skill level is a bit low for making complex sentences, but I'm eager to reach that degree of fluency, so I'm stretching myself by practicing them anyway. I would greatly appreciate any tips you have for improving my syntax. おねがいします！
There are certain parts of my text that I know are trouble spots or that I have questions about. There isn't enough room here to mention them, so I've added them in a comment below. I'd be very grateful if you would take a look at those too.
時間をあげましたのでとっていただいてありがとうございます。Thank you for taking the time to help me.
1
弟と一緒にハガレン
よろしくおねがいします。私の文章を正して(”正して”でも問題ありませんが、ここでは添削：”てんさく”と読みます。”添削してください”と表現する方が上手な日本語表現になると思いますので参考にしてみてくださいね）ください。私は正しい言葉を使い（うっているのがし）たいです。てつだってくれるとありがたいです。てよろしくおねがいします。
I'm still learning the kanji to apply to my existing vocabulary, so my writing is a mix of basic kanji and hiragana. If I don't know a word that I need, I try to find it in a dictionary, but that means I might not use it correctly or there might be a more accurate word for my meaning. My goals are to be grammatically accurate and to use words with the right nuance of meaning for the context.
今日の文章:
最近、今回は弟が「鋼の錬金術師」を観ています。私は弟にそれはがいい話でとても面白くていで楽しいよもと言いました。弟が何話か観たて後、彼と一緒にいつもたくさん話します、（時々）二時間になるときも。彼の一番好きなキャラクターは（日本でも、そのまま”キャラクター””という英語が会話で使われています。の人たちが）ホークアイやマスタングをです。うれしいです、なぜなら私もホークアイやマスタングがを好きだからです。でも私は誰が一番好きか（の人）をきめるのが難しいです。オリヴィエ•アームストロングもとてもいいです。イズミもアルもランファンもリンヤオもグリードも… もし（しかし）はじめてしまうと（られる）、止められ（るあり）ません（いったん始めたら、もう止められない）。みんなを好きっていうのはいけ（がいい）ませんか？ 荒川先生はがとても上手な作家です。
Today's text:
Recently, my younger brother has been watching Fullmetal Alchemist. I told my younger brother that it is a good story, very interesting and enjoyable. After my brother watches a few episodes, we always talk a lot, sometimes for two hours. His favorite characters are Hawkeye and Mustang. That pleases me, because I also like Hawkeye and Mustang. But it's difficult for me to decide who I like the most. Olivier Armstrong is very good too. And Izumi, and Al, and Lan Fan, and Ling Yao, and Greed… If I get started, I won't be able to stop. (Once I get started, there's just no stopping.) Can't I like everyone? Arakawa-sensei is a very skilled writer.
Notes:
I'm still struggling to get the syntax right for complex sentences. I'm pretty sure my second, third, and ninth sentences are terrible, and I'm not sure the tenth sentence says what I mean. My skill level is a bit low for making complex sentences, but I'm eager to reach that degree of fluency, so I'm stretching myself by practicing them anyway. I would greatly appreciate any tips you have for improving my syntax. おねがいします！
There are certain parts of my text that I know are trouble spots or that I have questions about. There isn't enough room here to mention them, so I've added them in a comment below. I'd be very grateful if you would take a look at those too.
時間をとっていただいて（あげましたので）ありがとうございます。Thank you for taking the time to help me.
Caciaさん、good job on your entry. 漢字とひらがなを上手に使って作文出来ていて素晴らしいと思います。”は”と”が”の使い分けなど難しいと思いますが、これからも日本語の勉強頑張ってくださいね。”Notes"に書かれている内容は、僕も英語を勉強しているので、すごく共感します。外国語の上達は失敗を繰り返しながら練習し続けることですよね。
0
"今回" — I learned this word while learning the kanji "回", but it seems to mean "currently" or "this time" more than "recently" or "over the past few weeks". I searched the dictionary for a more accurate word, but there were a lot of apparent synonyms and I couldn't tell which ones would actually fit this context. Would you please tell me what word I should have used instead?
"一番好きの人たち" — I know that this is literally "favorite people," but I was aiming for "favorite characters." I wasn't confident in what I found in the dictionary, so I stuck with simple vocabulary I knew. What would be the right word to use here to mean "fictional character(s)"?
"なぜなら" — I'm not sure I used the correct conjunctions throughout this piece, but I'm especially doubtful about this one. I didn't think "ので" was accurate for the context, so I searched the dictionary for a more apt conjunction and found "なぜなら", which I'm pretty sure I've heard in dialogue, but I haven't learned yet. Did I use it correctly? I also saw "なぜならば"; should I have used that instead?
"しかし" — In the course of writing this piece, I realized that I don't know how to make "if-then" statements in Japanese. This means "however" or "but," which was as close as I could get, and I'm pretty sure it's wrong.
"作家" — This is another dictionary find. There were a bunch of options for "writer" or "author," and based on the kanji this seemed the most likely. Should I have used something else? I'm trying to reference Arakawa's skill in creating characters and a fictional world, not just in writing dialogue or drawing the artwork.
ありがとうございます！
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