Please fix my essay
In the last decade, crimes from light crimes to serious crimes by younger people are increasing. Some people claim that improving parenting skills of parents is the most effective way to address the problem. I disagree with this idea because the causes of juvenile crimes cannot be solved by this method. The reasons for it will be covered in this essay.
First of all, a fundamental reason for this is that one of the causes that affect crimes of younger ages is poverty. Many younger criminals arrested because of violence, homicide, robbery and serious bullying. Many family of them have financial problems, so these crimes frequently happen in the poor areas. For example, in the US, the place called Skid Row is famous place where poor people live and crimes often occur by them. Therefore, it is clear that poverty and crimes are intimate and so improving parenting skills is not effective measure for juvenile crimes. Even if the parents learn their parenting skills, if their place to live are still not well-off, their children will be influenced the environment.
Secondly, another reason is that the luck of love affects crimes from younger people and it is not something that is able to be changed. Unfortunately, there are parents who cannot love their children without any reason like some mother animals ignore their baby after giving a birth. This problem is due to biological issues and those people would not be able to love their children even if they are trained. For example, in Japan, there was serious homicide by a younger person, whose mother was passionated about education. However, despite he has received good education by his mother, he committed such a horrible crime because he could not feel love from his mother. Thus, teaching parenting skills is not a practical solution for junevile crimes.
Thirdly, training parents to improve their parenting skills is not effective for parents whose child has criminal thoughts. Some children become a murder even though they receive right education because they have criminal mind. For example, a junior high school student killed his two classmates with the cruel way. In spite of his mother had better parenting skills, these skills could not make adjustments to his criminal mind. This is the last reason as to why bettering parenting skills cannot prevent crimes from younger people.
In conclusion, I have provided some reasons as to why teaching right parenting skills is ineffective to decrease juvenile crimes.
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In the last decade, crimes—from light crimes to serious crimes—by younger people are increasing. Some people claim that improving parenting skills of parents is the most effective way to address the problem. I disagree with this idea because the causes of juvenile crimes cannot be solved by this method. The reasons for it will be covered in this essay.
First of all, a fundamental reason for this is that one of the causes that affect crimes of younger age crime is extreme poverty. Many younger criminals arrested because of violence, homicide, robbery and serious bullying. (This sentence isn't really needed because it doesn't relate to poverty causing crime.) Many of these crimes, frequently happen in the poor areas from families who have severe financial problems. For example, in the US, the place called Skid Row is famous place where poor people live and crimes often occur by the residents. Therefore, it is a strong example that poverty and crimes are closely related. Improving parenting skills is not an effective measure for juvenile crimes. Even if the parents learn their parenting skills, if their place to live are still not well-off they remain in high crime areas with severe poverty, their children will be influenced the by that environment.
Secondly, another reason is that the lack of love is a contributing factor to crimes from younger people and it is not something that is able to be easily changed. Unfortunately, there are parents who cannot love their children without any reason unconditionally . Some mother animals ignore their baby after giving a birth. This problem is due to biological issues and those people would not be able to love their children even if they are trained. For example, in Japan, there was a serious homicide committed by a younger person, whose mother was passionate about his education. However, despite he has received receiving a good education by from his mother, he committed such a horrible crime because he could did not feel love from his mother. Thus, teaching parenting skills is not a practical solution for juvenile crimes.
Thirdly, training parents to improve their parenting skills is not effective for parents whose child has criminal tendencies. Some children become a murders even though they receive the right education because they have criminal minds. For example, a junior high school student killed his two classmates with the in a cruel way. In spite of his mother having better parenting skills, these skills could not make adjustments to his criminal mind. This is the last reason as to why bettering parenting skills cannot prevent crimes from younger people.
In conclusion, I have provided some reasons as to why teaching right parenting skills is ineffective to decrease juvenile crimes.
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Within the last decade, the number of crimes--both serious and non-serious--committed by younger people has been increasing. Some people claim that the most effective way to address the problem is to improve parenting skills. However, I disagree with this simplistic solution because in doing so, the various underlying causes of juvenile crimes will not only fail to be addressed, but also fail to be resolved by this method. The reasons behind my viewpoint that better parenting skills, in and of itself, will not be an effective measure for lowering juvenile crime follow below.
First, we need to understand that a fundamental reason behind younger people committing crimes is basic poverty. Whenever they are hungry, or cannot get what they want, or feel embarrassed or humiliated about it, we should not be surprised that they commit crimes in order to satisfy those needs. Many of them come from families that have moderate to severe financial problems, so even if the parents have excellent parenting skills, if they cannot afford to live in better neighborhoods, the circumstances and the people within the surrounding environment will heavily, and often negatively, influence their children.
It is human nature to associate with others, as well as to face peer pressure, and within poorer neighborhoods, it is hard for young people to avoid being with those who exist on the margins of, or who have not already entered into, a life of petty crime such as shoplifting, underage drinking, and recreational drug use. Being at an impressionable age, wanting to fit in with their peers, and without truly understanding the long-term consequences of their actions, younger people all too often make poor choices—dropping out of school, getting tattoos, joining a gang--that frequently influence their life from that point onwards. As a result, it is clear that the relationship between poverty and crime, in whatever degree, is an intimate and complex one, and thus, one that better parenting skills will only marginally affect.
Secondly, another reason that younger people drift into crime is due to the lack of love and attention they receive at home. For example, in Japan, there was a violent homicide committed by a young man whose mother was passionate about, and ensured that he received, a good education. However, in spite of this, the reasoning he gave for committing such a horrible crime was that he never felt any real love from his mother. Similarly, all too often, due to work requirements, some parents simply do not have the time necessary to raise their children properly, and even if they do, we need to understand that not all parents, some of whom are still teenagers themselves, are emotionally capable of doing so.
Finally, regardless of how successfully we help the parents with training to improve their parenting skills, we cannot expect such training to overcome the free will of those younger individuals who, for whatever reasons, lack self-control, or who refuse to respect the rights and property of others. For example, despite the fact that his mother had raised him properly, a junior high school student killed two of his classmates in a cruel manner, so his mother's parenting skills--improved or not--could not, and did not, lessen, adjust, or overcome his own free will. In conclusion, as shown above, given number of external social factors, along with the internal, personal ones, it is plain to see that improving parenting skills cannot serve as, nor should it be seen to be, a practical one-stop solution for the lessening the number of juvenile crimes.*
Hi, Sakaya. Good job! Whatever changes I made were to allow your sentences to sound more natural to my native ears, to clarify your ideas, and for ease of reading. Sincerest apologies if I have misinterpreted. I hope that this helps you. J.
*I also wrote this more to give you some ideas, as well as examples, of how to construct an essay. One that has information that flows from paragraph to paragraph until it reaches its conclusion. Your original post had some good ideas, but they simply were not properly organized or developed. Here, I simply went from “large” reasons (economic), to smaller ones (environment, peer pressure), to internal ones (psychological), however, the order can be reversed without any problem.
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crimes from light crimes to serious crimes --> repetitions: crimes from light cases to serious ones OR use synonyms
parenting skills of parents--> tautology: just parenting skills would be enough
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