Never got a lesson in a relationship-2 Somehow these contacting have caused the situation like even now, that he wanted to talk to his wife for the marriage problems that last for a long time, but I don't know exactly what happened, since i couldn't know the details, I won't contact him unless he contact me either, the situation is always like this, for last more than 2 years. Time and those things have been consuming my patience. I have a barrier to really find a bf here, because I prefer end one relationship then move to the next. My sister even told me, its not even called as a rrelationship between me and that married man. Sometimes i could stay calm, but sometimes I could get sad and cry very easily. I know we are all tired of stucking here. I kept want to persuade myself that he will never be able to break up with his wife, because for the past two years, nothing happen. I couldn't really make up my mind clearly to adjust myself...but now what I thought was I should focus on my own life now. If he broke up with her soon, then we will talk about the furture together; if not, its just represent he only like the feeling on internet and don't want to realize it in real life. I have no right to change a person of who they are, just to repsect.

Never got a lesson in a relationship-1 For the past two years, I have been falling in love with a married man. We met when he came to Taiwan for work. For the first time we chat, we have good impressions for each other. After 1 to 2 days, we met each other, had dinner. I enjoyed a lot while chatting with him, with my poor English. He was very patient and gentle, which we had even better impression for each other. I had a boyfriend that we have been dated for almost 10 years by that time. But after I met him, I started thinking what I really want. Then I decided to break up with my bf, its not because I fell in love with other man, its beacuse bf and I have been having arguments for few years, and I felt so much pressure when with him, since he always trying to change me to his ideal one. So I carried the thought that I would rather stay single, alone, but I have freedom. The married man came back to his country, and I felt this is it. What i thought by that time was I cherished every seconds with him, and its enough. It already a very good experience in my life. However, we didn't stop writing to each other. Mostly we talked about our daily life, thoughts and etc. All remain as friends. (continue)

depressed I travelled to Japan for a week for the past one week. After came back, I have been thinking about my future. I felt veey painful because it seems like my heart suggests me to make some decisions about the problems that I have for the past one year- to give up a man whom I love for a long time, but never belong to mine in real life. Everytime when I think of it, my tears always gather around my eyes; my heart is sad and depressed. In my rational side I know I should have given up since very long time ago, just I wouldn't want to until my heart finally tired and broke. I really feel very sad that why can't I really find someone who loves me and want to be with me, just like my feelings to him, love him with all my heart, no reserve, and would do some changes just to be with him. My heart is tired and I need rest...

Recently It has been a long time for not writing something here. Time really passes so fast. My emotion always changes a lot, and I've been busy about 'dealing' with it. Guess people never satisfy with their life even though we have better life comparing to those who have even worse experience. For me, love is an essential spiritual supplement in my life. I always look for somewhere that my heart can be ' landed,' so I can focus on my life. However, I really doubt and lost confidence of believing in love, maybe I don't suitable for having relationship. There are always questions in my head, and to be honest, I always know the answer in my heart, just I don't want to give up so easily....but it's so tiring to persuade myself and adjust unstable emotions... sigh...

Tense I hope I will get the answer asap, before mid of Oct. It should be and answer before that time, because it already dragged too long...for almost a year. I am anxious and sad recently...I couldn't hold my tears everytime when I thought about this. It's another pressure which can not fix even I try to watch as many movies as I can ( it's my favorite) I just hope everything will be cleared asap...

Work matters Every jobs have it's own difficulties. I just want to complain about one of the things I met sometimes during work. I am doing online business for a company as customer service&sales. About 90% customers are nice, 8% hard to deal with and 2% jerks. This happen when there was a customer wrote me for the quote today, saying that he used to do business with a supplier, and they cooperate well. Now he wanted to know my price for the items he wanted. He is a distributor. First he sent me a rough list, so I emailed him to confirm the detail information such as which models he want, also paste him the links for his reference. However, he ignored my questions. I sent him an email again for clarifying the questions, he still not replying my questions but started getting impatience and using some irrational words and sentence questioning me if I care about this business. The customer is from a country begin with G, so English isn't not his native language. English isn't my native language either, but I have been doing business with customers all over the world (usually by emails) without communication problems, though I made grammar mistakes and still far away comparing to native speaker. In my point of view, it's necessary to make everything clear before making the quote/business. Though he stated he has been doing purchase for years, per my experience during his emails, he just exposed how he is unfamiliar with the whole process of the purchase, including the items and the shipping. I talked to boss about this situation, and asked if he would agree with me not to do business with him, because for this kind of customer, we may not earn money but loss more once we do business with him in the future. It's obviously he won't ' listen.' If he has good experience with the supplier he cooperated with before, then why he want to change supplier now? If he consider other supplier is good, then why he won't just keep purchase from them? Boss agreed with me, so I just quoted him the regular prices ( just a little bit better than retail prices) And of course he didn't take this offer, but still left some emotional words like he found another supplier with better prices and service etc. I won't care about if he really found another supplier, I just wish him good luck for his purchase. No matter what, it's always nice to see every kinds of customers all over the world, because I can always gain some experience, and learn how analyze and to deal with different situation.

Trying to stay calm I was very depressed recently, I ever thought I will really become 'sick' because of depression, if situation keep like this for more days... Last weekend was the first time I felt life was so bored, even I did something I like, slept a lot, and tried to relax. Yes indeed, I relaxed, physically, but not mentally. Fortunately after talked to a female friend, we had dinner and chatted for few hours, I released my pressure, and found a way to analyze things out. Now I am more clear in my mind. Just hope I could stay calm, accept the truth, and try to make myself happy.

A bad dream I had a very bad dream. Not a typical nightmare, but the one full of jealous and helpless... I thought the dream combined all of my unconsciousness, including the place I want to go for vacation, people I want to meet, but I couldn't enjoy it at all...turned out I was very sad and depressed about all these after woke up... (Sigh) It's quite tiring to adjust all my emotional changes.. When people start complaining, it means something wrong. Sometimes complain represent people want it to be changed, to become better. There's always more than one solution toward a problem, mostly it will depend on you think about it.

Don't know what to do, will see The more I thought about current situation, the more depressed I will have. I really enjoyed the happy moment, the spiritual satisfaction through mental connection, but at the same time I felt sad about this is just temporary, not eternal. The more I want to get, the more disappointment I may get. Love should make people happy, somehow it make me sad. I don’t know how long can I stand this before giving up, maybe soon…(sigh)