IELTS:Govenment should spend money on railways rather than roads, do u agree or disagree?

(thanks for helping me correct it:) ) 

In this day and age, globalization is exerting profound impact on every nation, consequently ,demand for international transportation is increasingly climbing.Some reckon that government ought to delicate money on railways rather roads, from perspective ,however, such an action may be detrimental. 

First and for most, the rocketing demand for varied vehicles necessitates equal attention from government. On the one hand ,as the quality of citizen's life enhancing considerably ,more and more private cars are appearing on the roads; on the other hand ,booming transactions in all kinds of method lead to more cars on the roads, to be more specific, trucks loading viable commodities and motorcycles rushing to deliver takeouts. 

In addition to growing amount of cars, road also plays an imperative role in citizen's safety. For those who live near from their working place, most of them choose to drive or walk rather than take a train. Under such circumstance , quality of roads they pass everyday is significant. Every year, there are numerous deadly traffic accidents due to rough roads or roads without clear traffic paint. Similarly,tons of thousands of pedestrians are injured or even hit to death because of missing manhole covers or incomplete fences on the roadside. Therefore, it is manifest(is this word correctly used?)that road is a key determination of our safety. 

Admittedly ,railways also merit equal attention as roads when it comes to international trades of long-distance transportation. However , that dose not mean that railways deserve all funds from government. 

Overall, railways and roads merit the same amount of investment without bias ,so that domestic demand and global development can be simultaneously satisfied. 

 the 4assessment criteria are the following: 

* Task Achievement

* Lexical Resource

* Grammatical Range and Accuracy

* Coherence and Cohesion

each of the standard has a score ranging from 0-9, t  (usually I got each score ranging from 5-8)

thanks for helping me correcting it again :)

IELTS writing: Government should spend money on railways rather roads.Do u agree or disagree? thanks for helping me correct it:) In this day and age, globalization is exerting profound impact on every nation, consequently ,demand for international transportation is increasingly climbing.Some reckon that government ought to delicate money on railways rather roads, from perspective ,however, such an action may be detrimental. First and for most, the rocketing demand for varied vehicles necessitates equal attention from government. On the one hand ,as the quality of citizen's life enhancing considerably ,more and more private cars are appearing on the roads; on the other hand ,booming transactions in all kinds of method lead to more cars on the roads, to be more specific, trucks loading viable commodities and motorcycles rushing to deliver takeouts. In addition to growing amount of cars, road also plays an imperative role in citizen's safety. For those who live near from their working place, most of them choose to drive or walk rather than take a train. Under such circumstance , quality of roads they pass everyday is significant. Every year, there are numerous deadly traffic accidents due to rough roads or roads without clear traffic paint. Similarly,tons of thousands of pedestrians are injured or even hit to death because of missing manhole covers or incomplete fences on the roadside. Therefore, it is manifest(is this word correctly used?)that road is a key determination of our safety. Admittedly ,railways also merit equal attention as roads when it comes to international trades of long-distance transportation. However , that dose not mean that railways deserve all funds from government. Overall, railways and roads merit the same amount of investment without bias ,so that domestic demand and global development can be simultaneously satisfied. (that is all, and the important standards are the following: *task achievement *coherence and cohesion *lexical resource *grammatical range and accuracy each of the standard has a score ranging from 0-9, to be more specific, I attached the assessment criteria in the picture.) btw I'm a 17 Chinese girl so I might make many mistakes... thanks for helping me correcting it again! :)

Dose anyone wanna learn genuine Chinese? I'm looking forward to find a partner from English-speaking country~

hey guys~

im a 17 Chinese girl , im preparing for applications for universities overseas, and I have to prepare for many English tests ..

Meanwhile I wanna improve my oral English , so I wanna find some partners! 

If u wanna learn Chinese, I can help u a lot  cuz I speak standard Chinese without any accent!

and I can also recommend numerous apps, books, videos etc. to enhance ur Chinese !

btw if u major in finance or economics , it'll be great!!