Why do young people in China hurry to get married? (2) [speed writing 2] This essay follows https://www.italki.com/notebook/1336728/entry/723047 So why do many young people and their parents get so anxious about marrying young? As far as I am concerned, there are at least *** reasons. First, the tradition of getting married as an obligation to one's family or clan is deeply rooted in Chinese people's minds. In China, and maybe most of the world, there was no such thing as marrying someone for romantic love until some 100 years ago. Back then, all matches in China were made "by dictates of parents, and through the words of go-betweens". The main purpose of getting married, as I see it, was to produce offspring and to make the clan that one belongs to grow. That's why there's a famous saying in China: "There are three offenses against filial piety, among which not producing an heir is the gravest." Though China has undergone tremendous changes in the past century or so with all kinds of revolutions, reforms, and introduction of western technology and values, its thousand years of history is still weighing heavy on its people. Even nowadays, it is not uncommon to hear young people say that they feel sorry for failing to fulfil filial piety by not getting married in their "golden" age. Second, harmony, which is highly valued in China, advocates that one should do what everyone else does. While “you are different” may be a compliment in the western culture, it is very often a negative comment in China. My mum likes to call me "different" as a sign of acrimonious objection against any view of mine that deviates from the "mainstream". So, if everyone is married by 30, why not you? Why do you choose to be a misfit, an outcast, a black sheep? There are a set of standards of being successful, meeting these standards and thus meeting the expectation of others are the lifetime goal of a majority of us. A perfect route of life would be: scoring high in school, going to a good college, getting a secure job, marrying young, having a baby young, etc. Many of us have strived hard to achieve all these, but have forgotten to listen to our own voices: Is this what I really want? Or it's just what others want of me? (To be continued) Time count: 50 min

Why do young people in China hurry to get married? (1) [speed writing 1] In China, getting married by a certain age is not a choice, but an obligation -- to quote a BBC documentary named "Secrets of China", although I don't like the female host who has been wearing a scornful smile throughout the show, as if she were examining a civilization far more inferior than her own. Let me get back to my topic. Chinese usually come under the pressure to get married by a certain age, probably 30 for men, and 25 for women. If you fall behind the schedule, people around you, even relatives that you see only once a year and neighbors that don't even know your full name, may think you are strange and naturely gain the right to lecture in your face the importance of settling down. It's no news for young women who are still undergraduate students to go to a blind date to make sure that they will secure a husband right after they leave college. And "marriage markets", which are places for people to exchange information about potential partners, have sprung up in many big cities, such as Shanghai, Guangzhou and Chengdu. Some marriage markets are set up by individuals, and some by the government. But people that go there are not singletons themselves, but their parents, desperate to find an eligible daughter- or son-in-law amid numerous cards with personal information or even more luckily, to meet the parents of their future daughter- or son-in law on the spot. To be continued Time count: 42 min

Annoucement to Return to the Community It's been 2 years since I last updated on Italki, and I now come back to start a project: speed writing every day. By speed writing, I mean jotting down what has happend to me recently in half an hour or less every day, as a way to train myself in quick organization of English sentences. It has been a problem for me for a long time -- I got almost full scores in IELTS for reading and listening, but my active output of English has been relatively poor. I can understand many essays in English magazines like Time quite easily, but I still stutter when I chat with an English native speaker. Having worked for three years after college graduation, I feel that I still can't identify my strengths and core competitiveness in the workplace, and I feel like turning back to my old advantage: language. I want to become an interpreter, not necessarily full-time, but work in a position that demands high English interpreting skills. So I need to improve my active output of Engish, and think apart from interpreting exercises, which asks you to translate what others have said, writing, which is a way to express yourself, is another good method to "force" me to use English. So that's my announcement of returning to the community, and in the next couple of months, I will monitor my progress in speed writing, and I welcome your supervision too ^^ Time count: 13 min

The first lady of China Unlike first ladies in western countries, for example the U.S.A., first ladies in China were so low-profile as to be totally ignored by the public. I can't remember a single first lady of the past, neither their names, nor their faces. The only impression I have of one or two of the previous first ladies is a short old woman dressed in old-fashioned clothes, walking in the shadow of her husband and drawing no attention to herself. In China, you could never see a first lady giving a speech in support of her husband's latest policy, launching a charity campaign, or hosting international guests on her own. They seemed to be determined not to make their presence felt, which is quite confusing for me. But Peng Liyuan, the present first lady of China, has altered the stereotype completely. Once a household name as a Party singer, she is beautiful, demure and elegant, fitting perfectly the image of "the mother of the country", as what Chinese call their first ladies. Years of experience in the spotlight lends her incredible ease and charisma in front of the public, and her gorgeous looks make her a perfect model for the display of Chinese traditional elements in a trendy way--she's become a new fashion icon, just like Michelle Obama and Princess Kate did. She made her own headlines--there is never a lack of news featuring her fashion and her presence at important occasions, her husband not necessarily included. Peng Liyuan reminds me of the distant past when China had an influential first lady--Madame Chiang. In fact, Madame Chiang exerted much greater power than Peng Liyuan does due to her direct and impressive involvement in politics at a turmoiled time when China was being ravaged by the Japanese. The highlight of her career was her making a speech at the U.S. congress in impeccable English with a slight southern accent, appealing forcefully for support for China's hard-fought war against Japan. She was so powerful that Time made her the cover of the magazine twice. As a Chinese, I feel so proud that we finally have another first lady that makes her own voice heard and displays a positive image to the world.

A Trap My Friend Dug (2) (Following the last entry http://www.italki.com/entry/487374) I was raged. I wasn't expecting anything between the guy and me in the first place--I was just saying that I met someone cool, but Ann tried to push everything into a wrong direction without my knowledge. Besides, she did all this in a "low" way in my eye--if I'm interested in someone, I would not just walk up and say, "Hi, you are sexy. Can I have your photo and phone number?" And I would never embarrass someone by telling him I am actully interested in another guy instead of him. But Ann did all this on my behalf and without my permission! It was just gross! I could not understand why a long-time friend would do something unthoughtful like that. She felt she didn't deserve the blaim for all she was thinking was me when she did all this. I am grateful for her kindness, but enthusiasm for a friend's affairs should not be so blind as to ignore his/her own will and privacy. She's made me into one of those teenage girls playing all sorts of silly tricks to draw a boy's attention, including asking a friend to deliver a "message of love" and ask for a photo to put under the pillow. Ann and I had some real rows, but things seem not to have sorted out till now.

A Trap My Friend Dug I was put into an embarrasing situation by a friend. The story is complicated and I hope you are patient enough to read it through. This Tuesday I went to a little salon where a guy shared his overseas experiences. His drop-dead gorgeous look, artistic sense, and genteel manner swept me off my feet instantly, and I wrote an exciting entry on my Wechat describing my estacy. A bossom friend of mine (let's call her Ann), after reading my entry, went to a salon with me which was held two days later and where both of us knew the guy would be present too. Ann said she would like to take a photo with him at the end of the salon, and afraid that she would do something outrageous, I chose to leave the place early. When I was on the subway home, she called me elatedly, "I told the guy you were his fan and I wanted to have a photo with him so that I could send to you. Though he declined, he was nice enough to give me his Wechat account and mobile number! Try and HOLD HIM DOWN!" As I checked the account she sent me, I found it was the wrong person--it was a friend of the guy who had also been at the salon. "What? Did I ask you to do this, on my behalf?" After an hour or two, she sent me a message, "I told the guy that I made a mistake and you were actually fasinated by another guy, but I did not say exactly who." OMG! How embarrasing it would be for the "wrong" guy? Why was it necessary to clear everything out? Just leave it! What's more, she thought she kept me in disguise by not revealing my name and personal features, but in fact I was thoroughly exposed for I was one of the only two girls that attended both salons, I joint the Wechat chatting group right after the first one and applied to attend the second one in the group with my real name, I stood next to her while the staff were taking photos, and the two guys recognized me by face--the guys would know who I was just at a flip of the finger! With the last hope that I could still cover myself, I asked her what other information she gave the "wrong" guy, and here's the last straw:" I gave him your Wechat account." Bummer! That meant the guys could match me with my Wechat account! (to be continued in the next entry)

"Phoenix Man" (凤凰男) Most of you may have never heard of the phrase "phoenix man", or 凤凰男 in Chinese. It's a coined phrase that has gained popularity in China in recent years. It is used to refer to men who grew up in rural areas but then got ahead in cities by, for example, attending a good university or finding a decent job in cities. For your information, rurual areas are often associated with poverty and backwardness in China, not at all like the picturesque and platoral sense that usually surrounds the countryside in the western world. "Phoenix man" came from a Chinese saying "a sparrow which flies up to tall branches becomes a phoenix", which means that a person of inferior background makes a dramatic rise in social status. It is said that the marriage between a "phoenix man" and a "peacock woman" (referring to a woman who grew up in cities, enjoys an economically easy life and knows no hardship) causes myriads of problems, which are depicted by numerous TV series and voluminous report on the Internet. One of these alleged problems is the lowering of living standards for the woman. As the phoenix man is the elite of his poor rural family (by family, it usually means an extended family which includes the families of his grandparents, uncles and aunts) and the successful product made at the price of his whole family (e.g. his siblings quit school and start working young to earn his tuition fees), he is imbued with a firing sense of responsibility towards his original family, which often overrides his devotion to his new family. He's likely to lend, and even give a large sum of money, for example, to his younger brother for his wedding, or to his cousin to build a new house. For a peacock woman who was not born with a silver spoon but just into a middle-class urban family, this enormous outpour of money innevitably gives rise to a very meager life, in which the pleasures that she took for granted before, like an occassional feast, shopping spree and traveling, become anything but possible. Another problem of this kind of marriage lies in the conflicts between the living habits of the two social classes represented by the husband and wife. There's never lack of stories about how the husband's parents don't flush the toilet when they come to the city to live with their son and daugher-in-law because they don't have such kind of equitment back in the village. A deeper and more fundamental kind of conflict is the collision of values. (To be continued in the next entry)

This and That 1. My boss, who underwent an operation a few months ago, received a large bunch of lilies from a friend. Saying that the fragrance was too strong, she divided the chunk and gave parts of it to me and some other colleagues, which struck me a lot: at a vulnerable point of life as a patient, instead of asking for more, she was giving as always; instead of drowning herself in sorrow, she chose to share the beauty of life. 2. I remember talking to a middle-aged guest about the giving of Hongbao to newlyweds. Hongbao are red envelopes with money inside that guests give to the newlywed as a token of congratulation at a wedding. I told him about how my mum painstakingly weighed the amount of money to be wrapped even though she knew that the couple wouldn't take it anyway but would just tear off a corner of the envelope according to the tradition in some parts of the province, and about how stupid I thought my mother was. Expecting nothing but sure agreement, I was surprised by his reply: “The amount of money offered speaks of the degree of love and congratulation. Even though the new couple doesn’t actually take the money, it is still necessary to prepare the gift as if it would be accepted. It’s a matter of sincerity.”