Who can help me review my translation?Many thanks!
我每天都要经过那条巷子，巷子口常有人乱倒垃圾。于是墙上就出现了一行字：请不要乱倒垃圾。垃圾还是倒了一堆，于是第二天那行字改为：此处禁止乱倒垃圾。垃圾还是倒了一堆，于是第三天那行字改为：此处倒垃圾者罚款五元。垃圾还是倒了一堆，于是第四天那行字改为：此处倒垃圾者罚款一百元。垃圾还是倒了一堆，于是第五天那行字改为：此处倒垃圾，全家死光光。第六天。那里没有一点垃圾，此后也没有——这就是我们的左邻右舍：可以不认道德，可以不睬权威，可以不理法制，最终却被迷信收服。
My translation goes like this:
Every day I pass by the alley, I will find lots of rubbish at the alleyway. One day there appreared a few words on the wall: Please don’t litter. However,this didn’t work.Hence the next day the words on the wall became: No littering!Still there was a heap of rubbish there,therefore the words turned into “Penalty ￥5 for littering” on the third day, but as usual nobody payed attention to it.So on the fourth day,the panalty had increased to ￥100,but even this did not funtion. Finally on the fifth day the words became: Anyone who litters will damn his family! Thereof since the sixth day there hadn’t been any rubbish at all----These are our neighnours who can neglect morality, authority and laws, yet be conquered by superstition.

If there is any expression unatural,plz corrext me,thanks!

Question

Who can help me review my translation?Many thanks!
我每天都要经过那条巷子，巷子口常有人乱倒垃圾。于是墙上就出现了一行字：请不要乱倒垃圾。垃圾还是倒了一堆，于是第二天那行字改为：此处禁止乱倒垃圾。垃圾还是倒了一堆，于是第三天那行字改为：此处倒垃圾者罚款五元。垃圾还是倒了一堆，于是第四天那行字改为：此处倒垃圾者罚款一百元。垃圾还是倒了一堆，于是第五天那行字改为：此处倒垃圾，全家死光光。第六天。那里没有一点垃圾，此后也没有——这就是我们的左邻右舍：可以不认道德，可以不睬权威，可以不理法制，最终却被迷信收服。
My translation goes like this:
Every day I pass by the alley, I will find lots of rubbish at the alleyway. One day there appreared a few words on the wall: Please don’t litter. However,this didn’t work.Hence the next day the words on the wall became: No littering!Still there was a heap of rubbish there,therefore the words turned into “Penalty ￥5 for littering” on the third day, but as usual nobody payed attention to it.So on the fourth day,the panalty had increased to ￥100,but even this did not funtion. Finally on the fifth day the words became: Anyone who litters will damn his family! Thereof since the sixth day there hadn’t been any rubbish at all----These are our neighnours who can neglect morality, authority and laws, yet be conquered by superstition.

If there is any expression unatural,plz corrext me,thanks!

Answer

Good! Here's what I think is unusual with your translation:
Every day I pass by the alley, I will find lots of rubbish at the alleyway.
--> Every day I pass by the alley, I find lots of rubbish.

One day there appeared a few words on the wall
-->One day a few words appeared on the wall

payed
-->paid

but even this did not function
-->but even this did not work

Thereof since the sixth day there hadn't been 
-->Since the sixth day there hasn't been

Here's my translation:

Every day I walk through that alley. People always throw trash at the front of the alley, so one day a sign appeared on the wall: “Please don’t litter.” Trash still piled up, so on the second day, that words changed: “It is prohibited to litter here.” Trash still piled up, so on the third day the words changed to: “Penalty of 5 Yuan for littering.” Trash still piled up, so on the fourth day the words changed to: “Penalty of 100 Yuan for littering.” Trash still piled up, so on the fifth day the words changed to: “Litter here and your whole family dies.” The sixth day. No litter at all, even after some time. These are our neighbors: they don’t recognize morals, they don’t recognize authority, they don’t recognize legality, but they finally respect superstition.

Answers · 2

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