Can somebody helps me with part of my letter of intent? Check & correct =)
I am a senior student of Arkhangelsk State Technical University. In June, 2010 I will be graduating from the university with the specialist degree of Woodworking Technology. I would consider studying at Lulea University of Technology in program of Wood Technology as a great opportunity for my education.
The timber industry complex is a traditional leader of the Arkhangelsk regional economic potential. A great number of sawmills, woodworking enterprises and pulp-and-paper mills are concentrated here. But their technology didn’t change since the time of Soviet Union. I am sure that the Swedish system of education will give me a chance to broaden my knowledge and gain more skills in woodworking which I can successfully implement in my future work in Russia.
I would like to visit Sweden and gain experience in my field of study so as to broaden my horizons while enhancing my proficiency in English. I really want to get acquainted with culture and language of Sweden.
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Answers · 2
3
Perfect! Almost technically correct in every detail, but just a few suggestions from a native speaker. Note the use of brackets [ ] to indicate suggestions.
I am a senior student [at] Arkhangelsk State Technical University. In June, 2010 I will be graduating from the university with [a] specialist degree [in] Woodworking Technology. I would consider studying at Lulea University of Technology in [their] [Wood Technology program] as a great opportunity for my education.
The timber industry complex is a traditional leader of the Arkhangelsk regional economic potential. [I am not sure what you meant by this sentence. But, if I am correct, a simple "Timber is a leading industry in the Arkhangelsk region." would be best.] A great number of sawmills, woodworking enterprises and pulp-and-paper mills are concentrated here. But their technology [hasn't] changed since the time of [the] Soviet Union. I am sure that the Swedish system of education will give me a chance to broaden my knowledge and gain more skills in woodworking, which I can successfully implement in my future work in Russia.
I would like to visit Sweden and gain experience in my field of study so as to broaden my horizons while enhancing my proficiency in English. I really want to get acquainted with [the] culture and language of Sweden.
2
Hi Alise
It's quite good already. A few small changes:
".... with a specialist degree in Woodworking Technology."
" .... studying at Lulea University of Technology in a program of Wood Technology ...."
"However, their technology has not changed since the time of Soviet Union."
".... and gain more skills in woodworking, which I can successfully ...."
" .... broaden my horizons, while at the same time enhancing my proficiency in English."
" .... get acquainted with the culture and language of Sweden. "
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