Anybody who can help me correct this/make it better? many thanks!
I’m a girl of cheerful, bright disposition and during these two years’ administration working experience, I know how important execution and communication are in this position, I do know how to do they well.

I have a related systematical knowledge-background of Convention and exhibition since I was major in this subject in the college. We’ve learnt Planning and management, Etiquette and Practice as well. I have an Exhibition assistant license which awarded by The Organization Department of CPC Shanghai Committee.

Doing as a marketing executive in a business center, which offers serviced offices to the foreign companies, I have a sense of service and know how to communicate with those people from different countries. I’ve orgnized some event like VIP gathering, so I know what may happen in a event, also know how to solve them as well.

I’m now supplying for the position **** because of I have such abilities to be competent and as a host in Shanghai, I’m willing to service all the visitors form all over the world.
Assume that I can be a mumber of ****, I would show my passion to the visitors, publicize the cultures, customs of *** and try my best to help them when they need, letting all the visitor feel satisfied is what I want to do.

To make the long sentence short, I’m confident about I can be competent and if I am lucky enough to be employed, I’ll try my best to repay you for your trust.

I found so many "and" in my supply and I know it is not a good way to express, how can it be better?

Question

Anybody who can help me correct this/make it better? many thanks!
I’m a girl of cheerful, bright disposition and during these two years’ administration working experience, I know how important execution and communication are in this position, I do know how to do they well.

I have a related systematical knowledge-background of Convention and exhibition since I was major in this subject in the college. We’ve learnt Planning and management, Etiquette and Practice as well. I have an Exhibition assistant license which awarded by The Organization Department of CPC Shanghai Committee.

Doing as a marketing executive in a business center, which offers serviced offices to the foreign companies, I have a sense of service and know how to communicate with those people from different countries. I’ve orgnized some event like VIP gathering, so I know what may happen in a event, also know how to solve them as well.

I’m now supplying for the position **** because of I have such abilities to be competent and as a host in Shanghai, I’m willing to service all the visitors form all over the world.
Assume that I can be a mumber of ****, I would show my passion to the visitors, publicize the cultures, customs of *** and try my best to help them when they need, letting all the visitor feel satisfied is what I want to do.

To make the long sentence short, I’m confident about I can be competent and if I am lucky enough to be employed, I’ll try my best to repay you for your trust.



I found so many "and" in my supply and I know it is not a good way to express, how can it be better?

Answer

The last part:

I’m now supplying for the position **** because of I have such abilities to be competent and as a host in Shanghai, I’m willing to service all the visitors form all over the world. 
Assume that I can be a mumber of ****, I would show my passion to the visitors, publicize the cultures, customs of *** and try my best to help them when they need, letting all the visitor feel satisfied is what I want to do.

To make the long sentence short, I’m confident about I can be competent and if I am lucky enough to be employed, I’ll try my best to repay you for your trust.

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I am now applying for the position of Xxxxx because I have the ability to be a competent host in Shanghai.  I am wiling to provide service to the visitors from all over the world.

Assuming that I become a member of Xxxxxx, I will show my passion to the visitors, promote the cultures and customs of Xxxxxx and do my best to help them with their needs.  It is my desire that all the visitors feel satisfied.

In short, I am confident in my abilities and competence, and if I am fortunate enough to be employed, I will do my best to repay your trust.

Answer

3rd Paragraph:

Doing as a marketing executive in a business center, which offers serviced offices to the foreign companies, I have a sense of service and know how to communicate with those people from different countries. I’ve orgnized some event like VIP gathering, so I know what may happen in a event, also know how to solve them as well.

Acting as a marketing executive in a business center which offers services to offices to foreign companies [ this phrase is not clear: do you offer "offices" or do you offer "service" to offices] , I have a sense of service and know how to communicate with people from different countries.  I have organized some events like VIP gatherings, so I know what problems may arise in these events, and how to solve them, as well.

Answer

2nd Paragraph..
The part of the sentence in [brackes] needs correction, but I need more information about your meaning, so I left it unchanged for now:

I have a related systematical knowledge-background of Convention and exhibition since I was major in this subject in the college. We’ve learnt Planning and management, Etiquette and Practice as well. I have an Exhibition assistant license which awarded by The Organization Department of CPC Shanghai Committee.

[I have a related systematical knowledge-background of Convention and exhibition] since I majored in this subject in college.  I received training in  Planning and Management as well as Etiquette and Practice.  I have an Exhibition Assistant license, which was awarded by The Organization Department of CPC Shanghai Committee.

Answer

Here's the first paragraph, at least:

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I’m a girl of cheerful, bright disposition and during these two years’ administration working experience, I know how important execution and communication are in this position, I do know how to do they well.

I'm a girl with a cheerful, bright disposition, and during these two years of work experience in administration I know how important execution and communication are in this position.  I do know how to do them well.
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Answer

Hi Lucia.

I'll work on correcting some of this. I don't think you have an excess of the word "and", though.

Answers · 5

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