Could someone help me prove-read the following paragraph?
The following is a paragraph that i wrote in my paper to expain two medical terms which are ‘AF cases’ and ‘AF times’. AF stands for atrial fibrillation. I am not sure if its understandable for people who read it for the first time. Please help me correct that. Thank you!
‘AF cases’ means how many dogs have been successfully induced to develop AF during electrophysiological study in each group, and each dog was induced 10 times; ‘AF times’ means how many times AF has been induced during electrophysiological study in all dogs of each group, and AF could be continuously induced several times in one dog within the 10 times of induction. AF inducibility is calculated as (AF times) / (induction times, i.e. 70).

Question

Could someone help me prove-read the following paragraph?
The following is a paragraph that i wrote in my paper to expain two medical terms which are ‘AF cases’ and ‘AF times’. AF stands for atrial fibrillation. I am not sure if its understandable for people who read it for the first time. Please help me correct that. Thank you!
‘AF cases’ means how many dogs have been successfully induced to develop AF during electrophysiological study in each group, and each dog was induced 10 times; ‘AF times’ means how many times AF has been induced during electrophysiological study in all dogs of each group, and AF could be continuously induced several times in one dog within the 10 times of induction. AF inducibility is calculated as (AF times) / (induction times, i.e. 70).

Answer

come to think of it, most scientific papers are chock-full of language errors...  do you're at an advantage.

Answer

Dear Tim, I would normally agree with Josh, in that your English is correct in terms of grammar, vocabulary, and so forth; but that formal style requires avoiding repetitive words.

Nonetheless, in scientific papers we usually sacrifice this principle for the sake of clarity - a synonym will sometimes appear to be a "change of concept".

Thus, it is better to say: " 'A' is equal to 'X' and 'B' is equal to 'Y' ", than: " 'A' is equal to 'X' and 'B' is the same as 'Y' ".

Ni dong ma?

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The only addition or alteration I might make is this: 



...was induced on ten occaisions; the term "AF times" describes how many times... 


Basically I reduced the number of instances you said "times", and replaced your second use of the word "means". 

Changing the wording this way makes it seem less repetitive , but still has the same meaning.

Answer

If this is for a research paper or clinical study, the information seems partial.  For instance, you tell the reader what "AF cases" means, but not how many cases there were, nor any further significance of that term or number.

How many cases were there?  Why is this number important to the findings?

If you can answer these questions, I will be able to help you further.

Also, the information should be broken into several separate paragraphs.

Answers · 4

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