I translated a poem into English,give me some advices,please~:)
you were the spring breeze
went by my life gently
nothing but left me a break heart
tell me how can i find your track
i was waiting for your love
waiting here like a tree of winter
bloomed the aspiration
into flowers
standing here still
for you
i was a tree of winter
missing you
i was a tree of winter
awaiting you
I knew you would never know what happened
so i put all the worry in my heart
你像一阵春风
拂过了我的生命
却只留下了一段伤心给我
让我无法寻觅你的影踪
我在这里等你
等成了一棵冬天的树
把对你的思念
开成了花朵
静静地守候着你 经过
我是一棵冬天的树
我在想你
我是一棵冬天的树
我在等你
我知道这一切都无法有结局
我只能够把这一切放在心里
Search from various English teachers...
Answers · 3
1
you were like a spring breeze
just passing gently by my life
left me nothing but a broken heart
disappeared without a trace
i'm here waiting for u
holding out and waiting like a tree in winter
my longing for u
that i've nurtured like a flower is now in full bloom
calmly waiting for u to pass through again
like a tree in winter
missing u
i'm this tree in winter
just waiting for u
i know it will go on like this forever
so i have no choice but to keep all this in my heart
0
yuyan made good points. I'll highlight sentences with problems:
went by my life gently
that went gently by my life
nothing but left me a break heart
leaving nothing but a broken heart
bloomed the aspiration
my aspiration bloomed
That's just literal grammar stuff.
I would suggest adding punctuation (although poetry doesn't have to have it), at least to end sentences.
You might also try adding a blank line to seperate sections, like paragraphs in prose.
Thanks for posting poetry! I hope you do more and share it with us!
0
sorry to say so but the translation site which you have used does not properly translate the poem.
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