Need some help for refining a small essay
It's my study plan for studying aboard. Need some help, thank you

Entering the workforce, I have some opportunity to collaborate with global teams. At that time, I wanted to share my idea in English with them, but I had not enough English skill to express it. Missing these precious opportunity more times, it inspired me to learn English hard.

Try to learn English in many ways, there is no effective method for me. Moreover, I have no international experience for study, maybe I can study in English-speaking countries. Finally chose Toronto, which is a secure and largest municipality of Canada, then I chose ILAC as my language academy.

This plan is very important in my life. I want to use all my salary of three years for my tuition and others. No price is too high for getting an Environment with English native speaker. Finally, when I go back to work in Taiwan, I hope that I can work with global teams without a hitch.

Question

Need some help for refining a small essay
It's my study plan for studying aboard. Need some help, thank you

Entering the workforce, I have some opportunity to collaborate with global teams. At that time, I wanted to share my idea in English with them, but I had not enough English skill to express it. Missing these precious opportunity more times, it inspired me to learn English hard.

Try to learn English in many ways, there is no effective method for me. Moreover, I have no international experience for study, maybe I can study in English-speaking countries. Finally chose Toronto, which is a secure and largest municipality of Canada, then I chose ILAC as my language academy.

This plan is very important in my life. I want to use all my salary of three years for my tuition and others. No price is too high for getting an Environment with English native speaker. Finally, when I go back to work in Taiwan, I hope that I can work with global teams without a hitch.

Answer

Here is my recommendation:

WHEN I ENTERED the workforce, I HAD AN opportunity to collaborate with global teams. At that time, I wanted to share my idea in English with them, but I DID NOT HAVE enough English to express it. THESE LOST OPPORTUNITIES inspired me to STUDY English HARDER.

ALTHOUGH I TRIED to learn English in many ways, there WAS no effective method for me. I CURRENTLY have no international STUDY experience, SO maybe BY STUDYING in AN English-speaking country I CAN IMPROVE. I finally chose Toronto, which is secure and THE largest municipality of Canada, AND I chose ILAC as my language academy.

This plan is very important in my life. I want to use my THREE-YEARS' SALARY TO PAY FOR my tuition and other EXPENSES. No price is too high for getting an environment with NATIVE English speakers. Finally, when I go back to work in Taiwan, I hope that I can work with global teams without DIFFICULTY.

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Hope this helps, and best of luck!

Answer

其实我最疑惑的就是如何题高语言的精妙度，你写的不错加油，能否分享一些经验呢？感谢万分

Answers · 4

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