Hi, I'm writing a song. Does it have a grammatical problem or something that sounds very strange?
It was not my plan.
It took me a long time to find it out.
What had to happen here is that you broke everything.
Now I understand who I am talking to.
I mistook you for someone else. My dream was not you.
It was not you!
Let's say for now you don´t need my discretion.
All you deserve to hear is get away from me now.
You'll not even talk to me or touch me again.
I just came to tell you "it's time for you to go"
It was not my plan.
But suddenly I was on the edge.
What I regret is that you could do me so much damage.
And you don't understand.
But my heart never belonged to you.
I'll give you credit because I don't know how to lie like you.
to lie like you!
I shouldn't have been so naive, It's my fault.
Maybe I should think first before offering the heart.
What I denied is impossible to deny.
I was so stupid and I deserve all.
Search from various English teachers...
Answers · 3
1
Good efforts. Here are the lines I have problems with:
"What had to happen here is that you broke everything." It makes sense if you say: "What happened here..."
There is no obvious reason why "discretion" is relevant here. Perhaps other context explains it.
All you deserve to hear is "get away from me now". It makes sense only with the quotation marks.
"You'll not even talk to me or touch me again." This sounds a bit unnatural. I prefer: "You'll never talk to me or touch me again." or "I won't let you touch or even talk to me again."
I prefer: "offering MY heart"
"I deserve IT all" or "I deserve EVERYTHING I GET"
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