Is it correct?
Hi! Is this correct ? ;)
Thank you all:)
I've got a suggestion, but it's just an idea. That being said, it might be worth trying.
What about What about reducing interns' stress and helping them relax by operating music throughout the hospital because if we did, this would give the interns positive impacts to maintain their concentration over the course of their day. Also, it would give the patients comfortable feelings, which would help them to recover more quickly, That way we can kill two birds with one stone!
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Answers · 5
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Correct or not can be a difficult judgment except in obvious cases.
So I will just give it an overall critique so you can get an idea as to how you might improve it.
- I've got a suggestion, but it's just an idea. That being said, it might be worth trying.
=> Nothing wrong per se but it sounds too verbose to me for such a simple thing to say.
- [*What about*] What about reducing interns' stress and helping them relax by operating music throughout the hospital because if we did, this would give the interns positive impacts to maintain their concentration over the course of their day.
=> "What about" ("How about" is better), "operating" and ""give someone positive impacts" sounds odd.
=> The sentence is unnecessarily long and complex.
- Also, it would give the patients comfortable feelings, which would help them to recover more quickly,
=> "give someone comfortable feelings" sounds unnatural. "make them feel better [ relax]" may be better.
- That way we can kill two birds with one stone! => OK.
The style should suit the context, like whether you're saying it verbally, writing it, and if so for what purpose, etc.
In any case, if it was up to me I would simplify it to make it more to the point, like this.
I've got a suggestion which might help. Why don't we play music throughout the hospital to make it less stressful and easier to maintain concentration through the day for the interns. It might also help the patients relax better and bring about faster recovery, which would be like killing two birds with one stone.
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Thank you very much Gavin Bruce Jones! I am still a learner what about helping me to find these words :).. I will be grateful!
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What about What about you've repeated this twice only needs to be said once.
Operating music.... Operating is the wrong word. Playing music or broadcasting music would be better.
which would help them to recover much quickly
I'd get someone else's opinions on your paragraph structure, i think some other words in area's could be changed also. :)
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