Is the following long sentence awkward? How to express is better? Please help.
The sentence is " In addition, the stress difference before and after retracting mandrel is calculated, and it is found the reduction of the stress magnitude caused by retracting mandrel becomes larger with the increase of the core number, thus the reduction extent of springback angle in Table 1 nearly increases with the number of cores."
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Answers · 4
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It is an awkward construction as a compound sentence. It should be changed into several sentences of far simpler construction, like this:
"In addition, the stress difference is calculated before and after retracting the mandrel.
The stress magnitude is calculated before retracting the mandrel and after retracting the mandrel.
Retracting the mandrel indicates [or shows--BB] that the reduction of the stress magnitude is facilitated as the core number increases.
The springback angles shown in Table 1 indicate increase as the core number increases.
[The difficulty in the original sentence is cause by trying to articulate several distinctly different ideas in a single sentence. Technical writing, in particular, will always benefit from reductions to simple sentences. Learn to perform this simplification, and you will have much less difficulty.]
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The sentence is a run-on and too long. Correction:
"In addition, the stress difference before retracting mandrel and after is calculated and becomes larger with the increase of the core number. Thus, the reduction extent of springback angle in Table 1 increases with the number of cores."
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