I was raised by my maternal grandmother, and I often saw her vex over my parents' relationship. Perhaps it is not surprising that I developed antagonistic feelings toward my father as a result. I recall that after my parents divorced, my father once came specially to see me. That is my first recollection of eating alone with my father. He asked me about my daily life and about school. (In Chinese, the exact language is "he asked me about the learning situation in life, but this doesn't make sense in English). If I am nice to my father, it feels like a betrayal against Grandma. Perhaps it is because I spent so little time with my father, that my memories of him are so sketchy, and that I do not feel very close to him. (Literally, there is a lack of familial feelings).