Charlie is the man who saves the princess, and because of this she begins to work for him, looking for souls. Charlie seems a good person ( is the verb seems correct?) Yes, but you must put 'to be' after it. 'Charlie seems to be a good person.' the princess commited a grave offence ( is 'commited' correct = because in the story she killed a person'?) Committed is the correct word, you just need to remember it has two t's instead of one. The princess committed a grave offense. FYI - We spell offence with an 's' in the USA, however both versions mean the same thing, and are correct. and her soul is heavy ( is 'heavy' right for this meaning') It's not necessarily incorrect to say that, but it sounds a bit awkward. A better word to use would be 'burdened' which means 'weighed down', as if from guilt. Her soul is burdened. or Her soul is troubled. You could also say the following: There is a heaviness within her soul. Also - There is a heaviness within her heart. Hope that helps. Cheers!

Charlie is the man who saved [he isn't doing it now, he already did] the princess and because of this she began [again, it's not happening now] to work for him, looking for souls. Charlie seems like a good person. You can use "seems" here, but you have to use "like" afterwards, otherwise it doesn't make any sense. The princess committed a grave offence ["Committed" is just fine here, but it's spelled with two "t"s ^^] and her soul is heavy. I would probably say that her heart is heavy instead, if she's feeling sad or burdened. Other than those things, it's just fine! ^^ Hope I helped!