I told him to be quiet. i said be quiet to him. when i told him to be quiet he got mad. I said be quiet to him and he got mad. when I told him to be quiet and said shut up to me. the difference between the two words as far as I can tell is the sentence structure that they appear in. one will sound better than the other depending on the sentence structure.

Both “say” and “tell” are used with direct and indirect speech. We can use “say” with greetings or questions. For example, “He said good morning.” “Tell” can mean to instruct or inform. It cannot be used with greetings or questions. An example would be, “She told me that she would be on time.” Note that the objects of “say” and “tell” are different. “Say” is often used without indicating the person to whom one is speaking. If the person is indicated, we use the preposition “to”. For example, “She said some nice things to me.” When we use “tell”, we usually indicate to whom we are speaking. For example, “She told me that she would be on time.” If “tell” has the meaning of to order or instruct, you can use an infinitive after the direct object. You cannot do this with “say.” For example, “I told the children to clean their rooms.”

If you say WHO somebody is talking to, use "tell:" She told me that you were in hospital. Otherwise, use "say": She said that you were in hospital. But you can "say something to sombody": She said goodbye to me. We often use the infinitive with "tell" and "ask": The doctor told me to stay in bed.

thanks so much to all !!