PART 2: Anyone could make this more understandable or sounds like a native speaker (conversational)?
Part 2:

By the way, we are going to the city on march 15, Tuesday. I will use that opportunity for my fundraising campaign. I am planning to give away my fundraiser card to the people around the mall or cafes. I really hope this plan will be successful. By spreading my fundraiser, I hope I can able receive donations from awesome donors.

So, I will make this video short. I will just update you guys once I arrive from the city. And if you have nice suggestions and ideas there, please comment below. I really appreciate it. Wish me luck on my fundraiser. Thank you and bye!"

Question

PART 2: Anyone could make this more understandable or sounds like a native speaker (conversational)?
Part 2:

By the way, we are going to the city on march 15, Tuesday. I will use that opportunity for my fundraising campaign. I am planning to give away my fundraiser card to the people around the mall or cafes. I really hope this plan will be successful. By spreading my fundraiser, I hope I can able receive donations from awesome donors.

So, I will make this video short. I will just update you guys once I arrive from the city. And if you have nice suggestions and ideas there, please comment below. I really appreciate it. Wish me luck on my fundraiser. Thank you and bye!"

Answer

By the way, we are going to the city on Tuesday, March 15, 2016.  I will use that opportunity for my fundraising campaign. I am planning to give away my fundraiser card to the people around the mall or cafes. I really hope this plan will be successful. By spreading my fundraiser, I hope TO BE able TO receive donations from awesome donors.

This was almost all right.  I rewrote the date format, although there's several ways to write it.  My other edits are in CAPITALS.  Best of luck to you!

Answer

By the way, we're going to the city on Tuesday, March 15th. I plan to use that opportunity for my campaign by handing out my fundraiser card to people around the mall or cafes. I really hope this plan will be successful and that I'll receive donations from awesome donors.

So, I will keep this video short and just update you guys once I arrive from the city. If you have any suggestions and ideas, please comment below; I really appreciate it. Wish me luck on my fundraiser. Thank you and bye!"

Answers · 4

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