PART 1: Anyone could make this more understandable or sounds like a native speaker (conversational)?
PART 1:

"Hi there, I'm tyrone. I created this video to ask for your suggestions.. or any ideas that could help my online fundraiser works well.

I'm fundraising for my education in New York this coming august 2016. And I started to create this on 20th of february. I was thought it was very easy to run the campaign, so I am confident running it within 55 days. Luckily, generosity.com (my fundraising platform) allows everyone to end the fundraiser anytime.

So I posted it in my facebook timeline, facebook groups.. I also posted it in twitter 5x a week..and other social media websites. I also asked my friends to help me spreading it on social media. However, it is not easy to ask anyone to share it their facebooks. I was lucky enough I got 550 shares on fb and got one awesome donor.

Question

PART 1: Anyone could make this more understandable or sounds like a native speaker (conversational)?
PART 1:

"Hi there, I'm tyrone. I created this video to ask for your suggestions.. or any ideas that could help my online fundraiser works well.

I'm fundraising for my education in New York this coming august 2016. And I started to create this on 20th of february. I was thought it was very easy to run the campaign, so I am confident running it within 55 days. Luckily,  generosity.com (my fundraising platform) allows everyone to end the fundraiser anytime.

So I posted it in my facebook timeline, facebook groups.. I also posted it in twitter 5x a week..and other social media websites. I also asked my friends to help me spreading it on social media. However, it is not easy to ask anyone to share it their facebooks. I was lucky enough I got 550 shares on fb and got one awesome donor.

Answer

Hello Tryone! Not all of the changes I made were grammatical revisions, but they make your story flow more naturally/ sound more native.

"Hi there, I'm Tyrone. I created this video to ask for any suggestions or ideas that could assist my online fundraiser.
I created this fundraiser on February 20th to help fund my education in New York this coming August. Since it's very easy to run the campaign, I feel confident running it within 55 days. Fortunately, generosity.com (my fundraising platform) allows its users to end their fundraiser anytime.
I posted mine in my Facebook timeline, Facebook groups, etc. I also posted it on twitter 5x a week, and asked my friends to help me to spread it on other social media websites as well. It wasn't easy to ask anyone to share it on their Facebooks; I was lucky enough to get 550 shares on FB and one awesome donor."

Answers · 2

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