modify a part of TOFEL independent writing about this topic :
In order to succeed, people should be more like others than be different from others?
It is quite obvious that people who can appear special talent or perspective in study or working are more likely to catch the eye of important people and gain opportunities .When we study at school ,all the members seems to do the same routine ,however ,on a math class ,for example , if one student have just come up with an unusual method to solve a math problem ,the teacher will definitely will get a sense of excitement and as a result ,she will share the answer to all the class numbers .Such students who shows talents in some fields are easy to "shine ".Moreover ,in business ,the people who provide highly creative ideas and solutions can make considerable profits and win a lot of projects ..In other words ,people with unusual talents and ideas can be appreciated by boss and investors .Since clever investors all know how to dig the potential and make long-lasting profits .

Question

modify a part of  TOFEL independent writing about this topic  :
In order to succeed, people should be more like others than be different from others?
It is quite obvious that people who can appear  special talent or perspective in study or working are more likely to catch the eye of important people and gain opportunities  .When we study at school ,all the members seems to do  the same routine ,however ,on a math class ,for example , if one student have just come up with an unusual method  to solve a math problem ,the teacher will definitely will get a sense of excitement and as a result ,she will share the answer to all the class numbers .Such students who shows talents in some fields are easy to "shine ".Moreover ,in business ,the people who provide highly creative ideas and solutions can make considerable profits and win a lot of projects ..In other words  ,people with unusual talents and ideas can be appreciated by boss and investors .Since clever investors all know how to dig the potential and make long-lasting profits .

Answer

There are a lot of errors in this. I suggest you post it as a notebook entry, so that people can correct it more easily, and more clearly.
Before you do that however, can I suggest you fix your punctuation? You should  have a space after most punctuation marks, and not before.

Answers · 2

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