Hi Rena. Thank you very much for your comments. So, I rewrite this essay again. Could you please read it? This essay is about the new profession because of the internet. If the internet helps to improve the technology, medicines, and process, on the other hand, the traditional profession is losing their space. For example, technology is connecting person all around the world what is important to make research on different grounds. In addition, the internet together with modern hardware (for example computer, smartphone, tablet) is making to arise in new professions, like computer scientists. I think the internet is good, however, if it is making to arise new opportunities for a job, on the other hand, the antique profession must upgrade.

YOu are mixing up two different things: new professions due to the internet (e.g., social media managers, coders, etc) loss of jobs due to technology (automating at the bank) You need to rethink and rewrite it so your thesis is clear.