Hi! I need some help!
As result of a highly competitive globalized world, graduating with a Master's degree has always represented a goal that I hope to reach. Moreover, it represents an opportunity to help my country, Mexico, which depends heavily on energy resources. Because of this, Mexico needs people and technologies that can face the issues and new challenges of today. So, when I graduated from college last year with a degree in Geosciences engineering, I began to consider Master's programs in the field.
Therefore, I am applying for a place on the Geophysics MSc that the University of California offers. Even though in Mexico there are similar programs, when I read the structure of those offered by, I noticed that there are topics that are not covered in Mexico. Of particular interest to me are Computational Inverse Theory and Seismic Data Processing. In addition, is specially important in terms of my interest the relationship between explanatory theories and practice, furthermore, the chance to use sophisticated equipment and access to geophysical processing and interpretation software packages.
My interest in these particular areas was aroused during my last year in college when I was on an internship with the Exploration department in PEMEX (Mexican Petroleum). This company represents Mexico in the oil and gas industry. While there, I was in touch with a lot of geosciences information. This was influential in determining my dissertation topic, which I ultimately undertook on the Analysis of the Seismic Inversion and the Application of AVO (Amplitude VS Offset) technique in a basin Area.
I am especially interested to study at the School of Earth and Environment at the University of California because of the research by The Institute of Applied Geoscience and The Institute of Geophysics and Tectonics, and also due to the school's international reputation of excellence in these fields. This attracts a variety of students, providing me the opportunity to meet and work with many likeminded individuals from different nationalities around the world, and to live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world.
I am a confident that my studies to date, have developed the academic skills necessary and make me a suitable candidate to successfully manage this challenging and exciting program. I would relish the opportunity to study at your university, and I hope you bestow upon me that honor.
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Corrections · 2
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As result of a highly competitive globalized world, graduating with a Master's degree has always represented a goal that I hope to reach. Moreover, it represents an opportunity to help my country, Mexico, which depends heavily on energy resources. Because** of this, Mexico needs people and technologies that can face the issues and new challenges of today. So, When I graduated from college last year with a degree in Geosciences Engineering, I began to consider Master's programs in the field. Therefore, I am applying for a place on the Geophysics MSc that the University of California offers. Even though in Mexico there are similar programs, when I read the structure of those offered by ____, I noticed that there are topics that are not covered in Mexico. Of particular interest to me are Computational Inverse Theory and Seismic Data Processing. In addition, is specially important in terms of my interest the relationship between explanatory theories and practice, furthermore, the chance to use sophisticated equipment and access to geophysical processing and interpretation software packages. There is a suggestion in your messages :) My interest in these particular areas was aroused during my last year in college when I was on an internship with the Exploration department in of PEMEX (Mexican Petroleum). This company represents Mexico in the oil and gas industry. While there, I was in touch with a lot of geosciences information. This was influential in determining my dissertation topic, which I ultimately undertook on the Analysis of the Seismic Inversion and the Application of AVO (Amplitude VS Offset) Technique in a Basin Area. I am especially interested to study at the School of Earth and Environment at the University of California because of the research by The Institute of Applied Geoscience and The Institute of Geophysics and Tectonics, and also due to the school's international reputation of excellence in these fields. This attracts a variety of students, providing me the opportunity to meet and work with many likeminded individuals from different nationalities around the world, and to live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. I am a confident that my studies to date have developed the academic skills necessary and make me a suitable candidate to successfully manage this challenging and exciting program. I would relish the opportunity to study at your university, and I hope you bestow upon me that honor.
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Sounds great! Much better!!
It sounds like your own words but is now very easy to read for a native speaker :)
Some notes-
>> it's unusual to start a sentance with 'because', we can say it in real life but it's never written. Can you think of a way to say the same thing but start a different way?
>> always remember to capitalize every word of a degree or specific uni course (Master's of Education, Quantum Mechanics 458), a uni (University of California Berkley), most dissertation titles or publications, & some theories.
*double check if the citation guidelines geophysics uses reccomends the capitals for theories & unpublished dissertations. I don't want to tell you the wrong thing for that (do you use APA, MLA, Chicago, etc?)
Hope this helps! Well done! xx
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