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coco
Government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects I'm totally agree that government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. First, when school get more money, they could buy the latest science machine or equipment to improve the science class environment. Student can be more easier and efficient to learning science. we can expected them will be excellent scientist. Second, when people can easier contact the science knowledge by making video or building TV channel. Superstition would not bothering people. People would know how to face the true by using science. Overall, when we have more excellent scientists and people have more common sense to accept science. Our country will have great development and progress.

Corrections · 2

1

Government should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects

I'm totally agree that governments should invest more money in teaching science than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. 

First, when schools get more money, they could buy the latest science machine or equipment to improve the science class environment, allowing students can to learn science be more easier and with greater efficient to learning science. We can then expected them will to become excellent scientist.

Second, when people can will have easier contact access to the scientific knowledge by making videos or building a TV channel. Superstition would not bothering people, instead people would know how to face the truth by using science.

Overall, when we have more excellent scientists and people have more common sense to accept science, then our country will have great development and progress.


(2 quick notes:

1st. When speaking in hypothetical, we tend to either use plural or an article, example: "when schools get money", or "when a school gets money". The first is more general, the second is implying an example case. Both work equally well. 

2nd when starting a sentence with "when" (like in this sentence) the conclusion to the idea needs to be within the sentence. to oversimplify your second paragraph, "when we all get smarter, the world will be better". 

Dont be discouraged by all the markings, the sentences read well and made sense. It was really just that second point repeated a couple times which is by no means an easy thing to master (plenty of english speaks mess this up as well). :)


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