The song of a friend
I wanted to try something new, so I decided to translate my favorite Japanese songs into English.
Please correct my English and tell me where it doesn't make sense, so that I could improve my English and let other people know my favorite song(^▽^)
友達の唄 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfB79A7EKxo
By the time you'll become grown up
You'll have gone through many rainy days
But will you remember that one of those days
we walked under the same rain
We walked long roundabout ways
But now, can I call you as my friend
Will you still be my friend
for as long as you could remember me
even after we say goodbye
My hand was empty and cold
And your hand was the first hand that I've ever hold
We were there
in the place where time disappears
But you held my hand tight
and pulled me strong
in search of the way to our home
Even on a day I'm crying
I hope that you're smiling
And I hope that in your memory
I'm smiling just like I was when we were together
And I can't help but hope
that you'll remember us sometimes
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Corrections · 4
2
The song of a friend
I wanted to try something new, so I decided to translate my favorite Japanese songs into English.Please correct my English and tell me where it doesn't make sense, so that I could improve my English and let other people know my favorite song(^▽^)
友達の唄
By the time you'll become grown up <- You don't need conditional, as you're talking about the future
You'll have gone through many rainy days <- Perfect!
But will you remember that one of those days <- Perfect!
we walked under the same rain? <- You need a question mark here.
We walked long roundabout ways <- Perfect!
But now, can I call you as my friend <- 'Can I call you my friend' - call you as my friend sounds like a phone call
Will you still be my friend <- Perfect!
for as long as you could remember me <- Perfect!
even after we say goodbye? <- Question mark again :)
My hand was empty and cold <- Perfect!
And your hand was the first hand that I've ever hold I ever held <- This needs to be simple past tense
We were there <- Perfect!
in the place where time disappears <- Perfect!
But you held my hand tight <- Perfect!
and pulled me strong <- Not sure about this - it's difficult to translate. You can say 'made me strong', or 'pulled me along'
in search of the way to our home <- Perfect!
Even on a day that I'm crying <- it's actually okay without the extra word, but easier to understand if you define it
I hope that you're smiling <- Perfect
And I hope that in your memory <- Perfect
I'm smiling just like I was when we were together <- Perfect
And I can't help but hope <- Perfect
that you'll remember us sometimes <- Perfect!
You did a really great job with this! I listened to the song on Youtube, I love it. Thanks for the link!
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To: Schuyler
Thank you for the message! It's great to have someone to see my work. Thank you for encouraging me, and good luck with your Japanese(^▽^)
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Thank you for sharing. This was a great idea and a nice song and video! When my Japanese gets better I'll have to do the same from English to Japanese.
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