Just want to write.
maybe it is not have logic at all.
i just want to write it down,write it to myself.
how strange i am,i know it.
how crazy i am,i also know it.
im grew up in a single-parent family,
my parents divorce for 6 years.
my parents have inverse character.
my dad is very gentle and fatherly,my mom is very irritable.
my dad is very understand,my mom is very severe.
though i have good grades since i go to school and have many certificate of merit,but my mom never thought im good.
when i do better,my day always praise,but my mom wont say any.
when i do worse,my dad will encourage me and comfort me,but my mom just will beat and scold me.
my dad work at company,my mom work at hospital.
bacause my dad work's reason,my dad have half a month not at home,just have my mom and me.
i said my mom very irritable,so she always beat and scold me and let me kneel,even sometimes dont have any reason.
i know my mom love me,maybe just the way not right.
my mom ever commit surcide 2 times,
once is when im just 9 years old,the second time is last summer.
when my parents not divorce,my mom ever want kill me once.
of course,that time my dad at home,my mom always angry with my dad and me,most time she angry with us dont have any reason,
she will fight with my dad.that time just because she angry with us again,my dad try his best stop my mom hurt me,you know,man shouldnt beat female,so my dad never fight or beat my mom.
that time,my mom said,i will kill them first,then i commit surcide.
my mom find the knife,and stand in front of me.i even dont know cry and run at that time,just have many tears in my eyes and i look at her.
not have any month my mom not beat me or scold me when my parents not divorce.who knows me all know im very love animals.even know animals more important for me than my life.yeah,i really very love animals since im a baby.
but nobody know why the animals become so important for me then,just because when my mom angry with us or my mom beat me,just have my pet accompany me.i know them wont leave me.
nobody know that im how afraid of my mom,except my dad,
im afraid of my mom,even when my parents divorce,i dont want to see my mom and afraid give her a call or answer her phone,this situation keep for 1 year.
when my mom get married again,she changed.im also older.so i understand the reason of what she did to me before.im not hate her now
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Corrections · 6
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i dont have many requires.
i just want to get married with someone who real loves me and i real love him.
i just want to life with my real love forever.
i neednt too big house,neednt rose and diamond and famous brand.
we neednt have too much money,if our salary can content our expend,i think its enough.
i want to have a great husband,he neednt be perfect for everybody,but i believe he is perfect in my heart.i hope he loves animals.
i want to travel alone before i get married,i want to travel with my husband even with our kid when i get married.
i want to have pets,want to have dog and cat,i want to we can go for a walk at the nightfall.want to we can cook together.want to see your parents and my parents when we have free time every month.
if conditions permit,i want to adopt 2 orphans.i want to be zoologists in the future.
i love all the animals,except insects,because im very afraid of them.
in fact,i want to be leopard best,and next is fox.
i just want to have simple life.
now is 2:31am,i need help my dad clean all the rooms in the morning.
good night everybody,hope you have a nice day and feel happy all the day.
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Well so here Iam and read your entry and you know what that sick mother first needs to get into prison. Why nobody of you called the police or just went to the police and asked for help? She attacked you and beat you more then once and it was not in a nursery way so it is called domestic violence and thats a crime. But sorry your father is also a loser. Who said that men are not allowed to beat women? Thats a useless law of all these modern-age feminists out there. But I wonder how the situation has ended and your mother stand in front of you with the knife and you just cried? You shall not cry in that kind of situation you shall defend yourself! Your mother is just like me if she is angry she would kill anything in its path so you can cry as much as you can but it wouldn't help you because during that time she just have one will: To kill as much as she can. Committing suicide is of course the next reaction. She is just going postal and its like all postal walkers. First kill anything and then kill themself. But sometimes when I read this I wonder if its really true because I saw your pictures and you didn't looked a bit beaten or something like that.
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thx,dear. =D anyway,i just believe that my Mr right is waiting for me in the future way.
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you are such brave ! =)
Hope to you the best and everything will going well for you .
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maybe just because of my family,so im more mature than other the age same as me girls.i know camouflage.it seems like that wear the mark live in the world.
even have some time,i dont believe anyone,and i hurt myself,use knife incised wound my wrist,i also want to death.i dont tell anybody about this and about what happened in my life.that like you live in dark,nobody can take you leave the dark or make your world become lightness.
i just laugh and smile when im stay with people even stay with my parents.i just will cry at night and when im alone.i dont want to anybody worry about me.
something worse things i dont want to write down,i know everybody can see it.
dont sympathize,i neednt any sympathize.dont blame my mom,she loves me,she just use wrong way.im get along with my mom now.
im always want to older or be an adult,because i want to leave,i want to have a new life,forget all the things,have a nice start with zero.
i feel strange that why i have bad memory,i even forgot what happend in my childhood,just remeber less,some best things and some worst things.im know the reason recently,maybe my brain automatic delete some memory.
i always feel im not real exist,i feel i just a role in a elder memory,why im exist now?just because the elder is recollecting what happened when she was yonger.when she stop the cecollect,i will disappear at once.
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