IELTS task #2 (September 15/2018)
Hello everyone!
I'd like to have your opinion about this writing task, in terms of: coherence and cohesion, lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy. It would be great if you can help me! Thanks!
TASK # 2
A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
ANSWER
The world changes quickly and the human being behavior change as fast as it. Many traditional behaviors have been forgotten, because new ones have emerged. While a lot of people find happiness in material possession and they give a huge value to social status, I think that traditional values like trust and loyalty show more about the real value of a person.
First, we are all humans and along the history, the fight for human rights has been always important. Everyone of us is important and we all have the same rights, no matter religion, skin color or social status. However, nobody should be judge by his/her material possession.
In addition, money actually does not say anything about a person, but the way you treat others do. A wealthy person for example, could be selfish, that person could avoid to help someone, just because money is what really matter. On the other side, a humble person (with no money) could take care about animals and other people who really need it. In my opinion, a person who try to make a better world is important, no matter his/her social status.
A person’s worth is on a person’s actions not on a person’s possession.
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Corrections · 2
1
IELTS task #2 (September 15/2018)
Hello everyone!I'd like to have your opinion about this writing task, in terms of: coherence and cohesion, lexical resource and grammatical range and accuracy. It would be great if you can help me! Thanks!
TASK # 2
A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
ANSWER
The world changes quickly and the human beings' behavior changes just as fast as it. Many traditional behaviors have been forgotten, because new ones have emerged. While a lot of people find happiness in material possessions and gain social status from them they give a huge value to social status, I think that traditional values like trust and loyalty show more about the real value of a person.
First, we are all humans and throughout along the history, the fight for human rights has been always important. Everyone of us is important and we all have the same rights, no matter our religion, skin color or social status. However, nobody should be judge by his/her material possessions.
In addition, money actually does not say anything about a person, but the way you treat others do does. A wealthy person, for example, could be selfish. That person could avoid to help helping someone, just because they care more about money is what really matter. On the other side hand, a humble person (with no money) could take care about of animals and other people who really need it. In my opinion, a person who try tries to make a better world is important, no matter his/her social status.
A person’s worth is based on a person’s their actions not on a person’s their possessions.
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Nicely done! You got a lot of tricky grammar points correct, and your essay makes sense. I liked your point that a person who tries to make the world better is important, regardless of their material possessions. Well done!!!
If I am being picky, I'm not sure you fully answered the question. Your essay says that traditional values are more important, but I think the question is a little different. I think the question is about whether people's judgements have changed? Do people today judge each other based on wealth and status? Or do people still judge each other based on values like trust and kindness?
I hope that helps and good luck!
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