TOEFL independent writing
Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past
Nowadays, technology has a key role in our daily life, so that you cannot even imagine to live without it. It has improved our quality of life in different ways. However, some people believes that because of technology children develop less creativity, other disagrees. In my opinion, even though you can take advantage of technology, it has lead to less creativity in the kids. I feel this way for two main reason, which I will explore in the follow essay.
First of all, in these days we can do a lot of things through a computer and we do not need to go out as often as we used to. For instance, with regards to games many of them are now available on device, so that kids rarely go to a park for playing with other children. I think that staying outside with others is a good way to learn new things, improve various skills and be more open minded and creative. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I was at kindergarten, I used to be very shy, in fact I did not want to go anywhere without my mum. Because of that, she decided to bring me every day in a playground park and tried to introduce me to other little girls. In this way, I made new friends and become more self-confident and outgoing. We used our imagination in order to invent new games. For example, once we tried to build a little construction with the wood and pretended that it was our home.
Secondly, internet provides a solution for whatever you are looking for. As a result, you do not make any effort and do not use your brain to try to find a way to resolve things. To be more specific, in these days you can find a tutorial that explains you almost everything in these world. For example, when I was a child my grandmother gave me a book plenty of mandalas, which are asiatic drawings. I used my creativity and imagination to color them. In recent time I found out that there are some rules for the color that can be used and on the internet you can find videos that explain it. I think decide how to match color allowed me to improve my creativity and have more fun.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that technology limits kids' creativity. This is because they do not take advantage of outside activities as before, and because internet permits to get any information in this world so that you do not have to use your imagination anymore.
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Corrections · 5
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Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past
First of all, in these days we can do a lot of things through a computer and we do not need to go out as often as we used to. For instance, with regards to games, many of them are now available on device, so that kids children rarely go to a park for playing to play with other children. I think that staying outside with others is a good way to learn new things, improve various skills and be more open minded and creative. My own experience is a compelling example of this. When I was at kindergarten, I used to be very shy, in fact I did not want to go anywhere without my mum. Because of that, she decided to bring me every day in a playground park and tried to introduce me to other little girls. In this way, I made new friends and become more self-confident and outgoing. We used our imagination in order to invent new games. For example, once we tried to build a little construction with the wood and pretended that it was our home.
Secondly, internet provides a solution for whatever you are looking for. As a result, you do not make any effort and do not use your brain mind to try to find a way to resolve things. To be more specific, in these days you can find a tutorial that explains to you almost everything in these world. For example, when I was a child my grandmother gave me a book plenty of mandalas, which are asiatic drawings. I used my creativity and imagination to color them. In recent time I found out that there are some rules for the color that can be used and on the internet you can find videos that explain it. I think decide how to match color allowed me to improve my creativity and have more fun.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that technology limits kids' creativity. This is because they do not take advantage of outside outdoors activities as before, and because the internet permits you to get any information in this world so that you do not have to use your imagination anymore.
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14. End your conclusion by a curious question for a catchy ending; If you were in my shoes, what would you think?
15. Try not to use 'I' at all and rarely use 'you'. It is an informal type of writing and the this type of essay is more semi formal/formal
16. Try to deepen your idea by further explaining without referring to your experience
Good luck and contact me for more :)
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I previously sat for the IELTS exam and I have some tips to help you.
1. Choosing an attractive title for your essay without stating an opinion. Simplest and easiest way would be Technology, Friend or Foe?
2.Use a sentence with sophisticated grammar: Perhaps it is high time we stopped considering the negative(positive) aspects and focus on the positive(negative) ones as well
3. Start with a general sentence about the subject; Technology (or whatever your title is) is an issue that seems to cause a lot of debate in people. Arguments are made concerning whether if its useful or if it has taken control of our lives completely and left the human race at its mercy.
4. Introducing the other opinion: Viewing the other side of the coin,.. Viewing the opposing side. According to the less popular opinion
5. Introducing your opinion, Use words like: Im inclined to believe, I believe, I strongly support/advocate
6. Using words to get attention: I'd like to shed/ cast light on the fact that.., Keeping in mind that..
7. When you are done with the intro and want to introduce the reader into the first paragraph use: A fair argument has been listed below as follows:
8. Dont use firstly, . For example: First and foremost/ Initially
9. Introduce a further idea supporting the same opinion: On top of that, next in order,..
10. Avoid simple words like good, nice, bad. Use excellent, amazing, breathtaking, mesmerizing. or ugly, terrible, horrifying.
11. To dive deeply into an idea, use for instance, to illustrate, such as..
12. Try to google synonyms of every word you write and memorize the more sophisticated one
13. Try to memorize a quote and add it at the end. You can use the same one and try to manipulate it around the subject. As Neil Armstrong once said "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."
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my English is not good enough for me to correct you, but your point of view is very justifiable and I agree, xD good luck in your life if you we can become friends and talk more ^^ bye
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