Corrections · 4
"Akrab"
Sesuatu tentang saat ini
dan tempat ini.(end quote)
Sesuatu tentang tawa dibagikan, (you need comma here)
dan cahayanya dari matahari dalam matamu
>> this sentence doesn't get along each other.
To make it sounds poetic and match you can say :
- Sesuatu tentang tawa dibagikan. Sesuatu tentang cahaya dari matahari dalam matamu
or you can say
- Sesuatu tentang tawa dibagikan, dan cahaya matahari dalam matamu
hatiku bergerak, dan tanya bertanya
>> or you can say "bertanya-tanya" to make it sounds more poetic.
belumkah Pernakah kita ketemu bertemu/berjumpa sebelumnya sekarang,
mungkin tahun lalu?
tentunya kita sudah berteman?
>> to make it sounds poetic better use "bertemu" or "berjumpa", because "ketemu" is informal and normally used in daily conversation.
>> if you want to use "?", your sentence needs to sound like question sentence. Then you can write :
- Apakah kita sudah berteman?
ada sesuatu yang sangat akrab
tentang kamu, caramu bicara, (you need comma here)
dan bergerak, (you need comma here) dan tersenyum, meskipun
kita cuma baru kenal dan berteman
>> using "cuma" with hanya "cuma hanya", it doesn't sound right because "baru kenal" means "have just met/known" so if you say "cuma hanya" it means "only/just have just met/known"
saat aku melihat ke matamu
ku merasa aku mengenalimu, atau mungkin
cuma sangat merasakan hatimu, yang
menjelaskan alasanya aku merasa akrab sama denganmu kamu
>> "cuma sangat merasakan" doesn't sound right
>> to make it sounds poetic, you better use "denganmu" (dengan+kamu) instead of "sama kamu"
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!
Start Learning Today
