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Brazil flagHenrique Fadoni
TOEFL WRITING TEST 2 Second, peace-agreements show us an improvement on the quality of life. However, the globalization came with new high-tech industries. These companies influenced the thinking of human kind and focused our creativity and intelligence for something more significant than just conflict, crimes and drugs. Moreover, for the first time we could unite unique professionals from around the world to study a solution for some indispensable problem as diseases and rocket science. For example, we could see the work made on the launch of SpaceX's rocket which united all engineers and intellectuals from Canada, India, Russia and even Japan. Therefore, we can conclude that the new industrial revolution made the nations gather together for something far more meaningful inasmuch as technology has touched us in fantastic way. Thus, we can notice that between our grandparents’ time and our time we had a sequence of serious events and social movements to turn the world a better place. Now-a-days, we live in a far more comprehensive time than before the wars, legal rights revolutions and counter culture movements. Personally, I would prefer to expend my days on this century rather than back to the past where people as Martin Luther King were hunted on the streets of Washington.

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TOEFL WRITING TEST 2

Second, peace agreements show us an improvement of on the quality of life. However, the globalization came with the introduction/spread of new high-tech industries. These companies influenced the thinking of human kind and focused our creativity and intelligence for something more significant than just conflict, crimes and drugs. Moreover, for the first time we could unite unique professionals from around the world to study a solution for some indispensable difficult? problem as diseases and rocket science. For example, we could see the work made on the launch of SpaceX's rocket which united all engineers and intellectuals from Canada, India, Russia and even Japan. Therefore, we can conclude that the new industrial revolution made the nations gather together for something far more meaningful inasmuch as technology has touched us in fantastic way (This last phrase is a bit confusing. Not sure what you mean by it).
Thus, we can notice that between our grandparents’ time and our time we had a sequence of serious events and social movements to turn the world into a better place. Now-a-days (can also be one word 'Nowadays'), we live in a far more comprehensive complicated (comprehensive time doesn't make sense) time than before the wars, legal rights revolutions and counter culture movements. Personally, I would prefer to expend  my days live/spend my days in on this century rather than back to the past where people as Martin Luther King were hunted on the streets of Washington.
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Hi Henrique! I didn't take TOEFL, but I know - as examiner - that you can't make points if you write phrases with the same construction. For example: noun + verb + complement - it's a very common and easy phrase. And you made it a lot in your text "we can notice that between...", "we can conclude that the...", "we could see the work". Moreover, you use the same modal verb. Try to write more complex sentence. Your English is more advanced than mine!! Complex sentence - example: What I believe is... The most important characteristic should be... The amount of (noun) seen show us how to... Good luck!

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