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China flaglin
please help to correct the essay! 1. What are your talents and skills relevant to the MA programme and in what way will you contribute to the development of your discipline? (max 250 words) I remember my biggest fun as a child was drawing. And my father, an electronic engineering enthusiast, who always liked to make things and inventions made me grew up with the habit of observation and the ability to make things. This helped me a lot in my later artistic creation. As an inspired man I always full of imagination. I would like to know life from practice, sensitive to the interpersonal emotion exchange(To reach my goals, I've participated lots of community work and volunteer work during these years). I think my social experience will lead me to a more specific artistic goal—I am interested in the transmission of text in art. I hope I could build a distinct ,specific modern artistic vocabulary of my own to express people’s social life , emotional problems of humanity in the future .(For instance, by the means of combining text and images). Meanwhile ,I hope to participate more related activities and exhibitions to get more opportunities to show my work during my study in Holland. I am eager to get a chance to discuss and communicate with artists from the Netherlands ,even the word. To open the eyes of my artistic research which would be a very precious experience in my life. This is also one of my ways to contribute to the development of my discipline.

Corrections · 1

1

Hi Linlin.  I hope you don't mind.  I took the opportunity to propose more formal language as this is a graduate school application.  If you'd like me to review a second draft, please let me know.  I also think in the last paragraph could be made stronger by telling the reader something more about your unique talent or vision of art and how that exchange with other artists in Holland will spread your artistic view to the world. Best of luck!  Julie


please help to correct the essay!

1. What are your talents and skills relevant to the MA programme and in what way will you
contribute to the development of your discipline? (max 250 words)

I remember the most fun I had as a child was drawing. And my father, an electronic engineering enthusiast, who always liked to make things and inventions (Please clarify "to make things" here:  "making things" and "inventions" mean about the same thing.)  made me grow up (More formally:  "...developed in me the habit...")with the habit of observation and the ability to make things. This helped me a lot in my later artistic creation.

Now, as an inspired man, I am always full of imagination. I would like to know(more formal:  "discover') life through  practice, sensitive to the interpersonal emotional exchange.  (To reach my goals, I've participated lots of (more formal: " a lot of")  community work and volunteer work during these years (During which years?  maybe you could just say "recently" or "since high school" ).

I think my social experience will lead me to a more specific artistic goal:  I am interested in the transmission of text through art. I hope I could build a distinct, specific, modern artistic vocabulary of my own to express people’s social lives ,(I think you need "and" or "including" here) emotional problems of humanity in the future .(For instance, by the means of combining text and images). Meanwhile , I hope to participate in more related activities and exhibitions to get more opportunities to show my work during my study in Holland.

I am eager to get a chance to discuss and communicate(discuss and communicate are somewhat the same. perhaps you could use simply the word "interact") with artists from the Netherlands ,even the world. To open the eyes of my artistic research which would be a very precious experience in my life. This is also one of my ways to contribute to the development of my discipline.

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