You shouldn't read it Hi everyone. Today is Monday and as usual, it's a good time to start a new page of life :). How many people tried to start something at a Monday or on the first day of a month or on the first day of a year. Several days I was thinking about it. Why not. I don't know why but I live without friends. Maybe I'm a bad person. I have acquaintances but not a good friend whom I can tell about my feelings and thoughts. I decided to write all my daily routine and changing in my life. I pretty sure that nobody from my acquaintances ever will read it and I can write without hesitation. Why do I want to tell somebody? I think because I want to change my life. That is one thing what I want. Last year was horrible for my mental health. I had thoughts of suicide. I wasn't going to do that but I all-time I've been thinking about it. I had several plans how to make it. I want to give out thinking about it. I've been having deep depression and want to cure. I'm married and I don't know if I love her. I tried to leave her several times but come back. We are living together about 14 years. She is my first girl and me haven't known anybody else. We have a problem, she doesn't want children and all time say "I'm not ready to". I began to drink in that regard. Left going to a gym. Took more than twenty kilos fat. I began to hate my life. The last case was last week. I drank and go out. Got on the bus. I didn't have a plan what I do. I didn't tell my wife where I go. I only left a house.