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Japan flagHiro Miyamoto 🚄Professional Teacher
[My Trip to Sapporo City. 125] Would you mind correcting my essay? If you were me, how would you go about writing it? Which part should I describe in detail? I hope my explanations are clear. I hope you can understand this. I went to two places where has each famous lake in the Sapporo area. First was the Lake Toya, Second was the Lake Shikotsuko. I visited the Shikotsuko Lake which is located south from Sapporo city for around an hour by bus. I could not make it back home because of a typhoon. The lake was formed from collapses in the earth after volcanic activity. I ordered to take a ship on the Lake, but I couldn’t that due to if the heavy wind. I was really disappointed and felt like at the seaside. The lake was huge. I didn’t have enough fun. I hope when I’m going to visit there again that weather will be calm and sunny. So far in my opinion, my favorite the nicest lake is Shikotsuko, I’ve ever visited.

Corrections · 3

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[My Trip to Sapporo City. 125]

Would you mind correcting my essay? If you were me, how would
you go about writing it?
Which part should I describe in detail? I hope my explanations are clear. I hope you can understand this.

I went to two places, each has a famous lake, in the Sapporo area. First was the Lake Toya, second was the Lake Shikotsuko.

I visited the Shikotsuko lake which is located south of Sapporo city, around an hour by bus.
I could not make it back home because of a typhoon.

The lake was formed from collapses in the earth after volcanic activity.

I arranged to take a boat onto the lake, but I couldn’t due to the heavy wind.

I was really disappointed and it felt like being at the seaside. The lake was huge. I didn’t have enough fun.

I hope when I go to visit there again that the weather will be calm and sunny.

So far in my opinion the nicest lake is Shikotsuko. This is my favourite late that I’ve ever visited.

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If this were an essay, it should have a point. It reads like a journal entry in a log book. Basically, I would start the essay - or even journal entry, with a statement explaining how you felt about the experience. Essentially, you're just writing about your trip. For example: I took a day trip to see two lakes in the Sapporo area but due to the weather, it wasn't as good as I expected and I was disappointed. However, I think you need to add more details all around. Obviously, writing in English, just getting the sequence of events written out so people can understand without too much effort is hard enough. It is a pain but you probably should be writing 2 or 3 drafts and adding more and more information each time. If you are looking to do a full essay anyway.

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