IELTS Writing Task 1. #1 The following graph and the table illustrate the dynamics of three main estimations: the quantity of the annual oil consumption, the amount of employees in oil industry and th

Search from various English teachers...

Lyayla

IELTS Writing Task 1. #1 The following graph and the table illustrate the dynamics of three main estimations: the quantity of the annual oil consumption, the amount of employees in oil industry and the unemployment rate in a particular country during the period of 1950-2010. On the first chart the rate of oil consumption in millions of barrels is represented. The lowest rate was pointed in 1970 (about 19) and the highest one was estimated in 2010 (more than 50). The level of consumption in 1950 was a bit higher than in 1970. As it can be seen, since this year the numbers are constantly growing. From the second chart we can see that numbers can be devided into two groups. The first one refers to the period from 1950 till 1970. In this time laps the quantity of people employed in oil industry and the unemployment rate have not markable volatility and diverse not much from 1000 and 4% respectively. The second group of numbers demonstrates two contaversal trends. In particular, the amount of employees is increasing (from 1800 people in 1980 to 3100 in 2010), meanwhile, the level of unemployment is rapidly going down (from 3.1% to 1.6%). Comparing chart A and chart B it must be pointed that as the consumption of oil grew the quantity of people employed in oil industry also increased. To sum up, the line graph and the table represent the tendencies in oil industry between 1950 and 2010.

Corrections · 6

Hi Lyayla,

As Bob says, you are about a hundred words over the recommended limit for Task One and the danger is that you won’t have enough time for Task Two. Task One should be done in about 20 minutes and you want to aim for about 150 words.

Going through the Task bit by bit:
Introduction:

Well done for paraphrasing the question, but the dynamics of three main estimations reads a bit strangely and I’m not sure that you need it as you go on to list what the graphics show. I like your use of in a particular country. As well as the paraphrase, you need an overview where you describe in one or two sentences the main features of the graphic. You can put it at the end, but run the risk of not having enough time and forgetting it. Really show the examiner that you have got an overview by using ‘Overall,……’ then briefly stating the main features of the graphic without using numbers (these come in the main paragraphs)

Main Paragraph 1

I think you can shorten your sentences. Your language needs to be quite direct as you have a very small word count. For example, your first sentence could simply be: The first chart represents the rate of oil consumption in millions of barrels.
I’m not sure what you mean by pointed. IELTS likes vocabulary such as reach a peak/ slightly higher, a gradual decline and so on. It might be worth having a look online or in books for IELTS vocab for Task One. A bit higher would be better as marginally higher, for example. Your grammar is good, you’ve got passives and present continuous. You can reduce your word count by not using as it can be seen.

Main Paragraph 2

I don’t understand what you mean by In this time laps the quantity of people…..
the quantity of people employed in the oil industry and the unemployment rate have not markable (spelling!) volatility and diverse not much from 1000 and 4% respectively. This sentence doesn’t read quite so well. Do you mean ……unemployment rate are stable and do not alter considerably from 1000 and 4% respectively? As Bob says, it’s hard to know without the chart, so that’s just a guess!
You want while rather than meanwhile
Again, you can cut your word count by not having language like it must be pointed out that…..

You asked for feedback in particular on spelling and grammar. Your spelling is pretty good and I counted just three spelling mistakes. this doesn’t seem to be a major issue for you. You have got some good grammatical structures in your writing, but you lost your way a bit in the second main paragraph. My advice would be to build up some solid IELTS vocabulary for Task One and to practice writing these tasks in less words, and, eventually, to time! Good luck!

IELTS Writing Task 1. #1

The following graph and the table illustrate three main things for a country during the period 1950-2010: the amount of oil consumed measured in barrels, the number of employees in the oil industry and the unemployment rate.
The lowest usage of oil was in 1970 (about 19 barrels) and the highest one was estimated to be more than 50 in 2010. The level of consumption in 1950 was a bit higher than in 1970. As can be seen, since this year the numbers have been growing constantly .
From the second chart we can see that numbers can be divided into two groups. The first one refers to the period from 1950 till 1970. During this time the quantity of people employed in the oil industry and the unemployment rate was not markedly volatile and did not vary much from 1000 and 4% respectively. The second group of numbers demonstrates two differing trends. In particular, the number of employees has increased from 1800 people in 1980 to 3100 in 2010, meanwhile, the level of unemployment fell rapidly from 3.1% to 1.6%. Comparing chart A and chart B it must be pointed out that as the consumption of oil grew, the quantity of people employed in the oil industry also increased.
To sum up, the line graph and the table represent the tendencies in oil industry between 1950 and 2010.

Hello Lyayla,

Without seeing the original graphs I can only guess what the content was, but it did help seeing the question. Thank you.

The word count is a little high at 228, normally you should aim for between 150 - 200 or you will be taking time away from part 2.

The description follows the correct format which will help with the coherence and cohesion mark.

I could generally follow your description but it was necessary to rearrange some sections and some words were used incorrectly. There were also some problems with articles. Be careful about using words that you aren't completely confident about. Words used completely incorrectly will incur penalties. I also felt that the summary needed something more.

Hope this helps

Bob

Hello Bob, I don't know how to do this :( It seems that it's impossible when I try to corect the post. But I can post the task, here it is: Chart A below shows the rate of oil consumption (in millions of barrels) in a small country from 1950 to 2010. Chart B shows the number of people employed in the oil industry in that country, and also the rate of unemployment throughout the country over the same time. Write a report summarising the information. Select and describe the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Mostly I'm intrested in grammar and spelling.

Hello Lyayla, can you post a pic of the question too?

Want to progress faster?

Join this learning community and try out free exercises!

Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!

Start Learning Today