Please help to check my compositon, thank you!
Do you want to take Bree as your friend?
Actually, I’d like to make friend with Bree, even sometimes she seems cold. Bree wants to be a perfect woman, so she has very high demands for herself and her family. Her neighbors admire at her life, she lives in a big house, and she is good at cooking, she is ability to make her backyard beautiful…In fact, she seems perfect, but she is not perfect enough. Her high demands for life make her family be much stressful so that her husband wanted to divorce with her. Bree tries to be a perfect woman, whenever and wherever, I think she has rich experience for being a perfect woman. If I were her friend, I would ask her to teach me the skills of life and the way to be a perfect woman. I’m sure I will be a better woman in my future. When I’m sick of her demands what make me stressful, I will let her know and communicate with her. In my opinion, it’s a good idea of cooperating with each other. If we succeed, Bree will become more perfect, and I will get more help from her. In a word, I want to take Bree as my friend, and I can get benefits from a perfect woman like her.
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Corrections · 3
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Please help to check my compositon, thank you!
Do you want to take Bree as your friend?Actually, I’d like to make friends with Bree, even if sometimes she seems cold. Bree wants to be a perfect woman, so she has very high demands for herself and her family. Her neighbors admire at her life, she lives in a big house, and she is good at cooking, she is able / has ability to make her backyard beautiful…In fact, she seems perfect, but she is not perfect enough. Her high demands for life make her family be much stressful so that her husband wanted to divorce with her. Bree tries to be a perfect woman, whenever and wherever, I think she has rich experience for being a perfect woman. If I were her friend, I would ask her to teach me the skills of life and the way to be a perfect woman. I’m sure I will be a better woman in my future. Whenever I’d be sick of her demands what make me stressful, I would let her know and communicate with her. In my opinion, it’s a good idea of cooperating with each other. If we would succeed, Bree would become more perfect, and I would get more help from her. In a word / To be brief/ Briefly / In short , I want to be friends with Bree, and so that I can get benefits from a perfect woman like her.
Notes:
yellow is the correction
blue is the alternative solution
orange is grammatically OK, but it sounds strange for me, because it is a sentence, not a word :)
Sue! Do you think, that you can call someone a friend, if it is all about benefits? It is just a theoretic question ;)
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