Coming back after a long break Haven't been here for several months because lots of things happened, and I still can't really face them until now. I lost my first child just after 1 week I got the medical report that I was pregnant at June, and stayed at hospital for 1 week just in case of any worse situations. It was really hard to accept those things, because I've always been doubtful that if I have been prepared for a child, but when I knew I had it and decided to raise it, and even began to feel a bit exciting to be a mother, it left so unexpectedly and suddenly just as it came. I stayed at home for a 2 week break and went back to work, I pretended nothing has happend, waiting for 3 months until being ready for another chance of pregnancy. But sometimes I would rather not have any child when I think of this experience, being a mother needs more courage than I thought, maybe I'm not so strong to face this. My husband wasn't aware of how this lost-child affected me, especially after a traffic accident broke his shoulder a few weekd ago. I've tried to tell him how I felt bad when I saw those pregnant colleages in the office, he said it was I who reacted too much, if I wanted a child, it just needed to wait a few months or so. His reaction made me begin to doubt this marrige. 2-week break made my work a mess, and I got a one-week cold war with my husband, can't find anyone to have a good talk. Maybe it's getting some bottom part of my life, I need to turn it into a positive track. Exercising, reading, dealing with work from one thing to another, trying not to think too much, I think I'm getting out of it.