“Young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on young people and society”. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is understandable that young adolescents spending their leisure time in the shopping centres can have adverse effects on them. The fashionable boutiques often promote many chic and opulent clothing; chain stores like JBHI love selling the latest upmarket gadgets. Being surrounded by these tempting products, young adult may be lured to invest huge amount of money in some unnecessary luxurious items, either by debt cards or through other immoral measures such as compensated dating, finding a ‘super daddy’ or drug trafficcaking. This may not only hinder their study, damage their physical and psychological health and bright future, but more importantly increase social crime rates. Nevertheless, to a large extent, I disagree with the statement. With more education and proper parental guidance, I do believe most of the teenagers would not fall into this shopaholic trap. Rather, these inquisitive people might gain lots of rewarding experience by looking around cosmopolitan shops. They might expand their horizon through learning the most up-to-date technology and fashion or other cultures. They might become more prudent and competent in getting the best deal and in saving up more money. They might become more sociable and out-going. Not only because they have lots of opportunities to interact with the salesperson and other customers, but also because shopping mall is a great place for a bunch of individuals to hang around and create fun. What is more important? The shopkeeper in those restaurants, supermarkets, cinemas, and other retail stores will benefit from it. The small spending of this large population can greatly stimulate the local economy. In conclusion, I believe teenagers shopping in the plazas can benefit themselves as well as the social economy.

Corrections · 5

[transition]With more education and proper parental guidance, I do believe most of the teenagers would not fall into this shopaholic trap. Rather, these inquisitive people might gain lots of rewarding experience by looking around cosmopolitan shops. They might expand their horizons through learning about the most up-to-date technology and fashion or other cultures. They might become more prudent and competent in getting the best deal and in saving up more money. They might become more sociable and out-going outgoing, not only because they have lots of opportunities to interact with the salesperson salespeople and other customers, but also because shopping malls is a are great places for a bunch of individuals to hang around out and create have fun. What is more important? The shopkeepers in those restaurants, supermarkets, cinemas, and other retail stores will would benefit from it. Even the small spending of this large population can could greatly stimulate the local economy.

In conclusion, I believe teenagers shopping in the plazas can benefits themselves as well as the social economy.

[Consider a structure called 4-7-7-4, meaning four sentences in an introduction, seven sentences in a pro paragraph, seven in a con paragraph, and four in a conclusion, each sentence averaging eleven words. Your sentences are repetitive. Use more complex sentences. This efforts would receive a Band 5.5 in my opinion.]

Hope to get someone to mark my IELTS writing

“Young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on young people and society”. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is understandable that young adolescents spending their leisure time in the shopping centres can have adverse effects on them. The fashionable boutiques often promote many chic and opulent clothing; chain stores like JBHI love selling the latest upmarket gadgets. Being surrounded by these tempting products, young adult may be lured to invest huge amount of money in some unnecessary luxurious items, either by debit cards or through other immoral measures such as compensated dating, finding a ‘super daddy’ or drug trafficking. This may not only hinder their study, damage their physical and psychological health and bright future, but more importantly increase social crime rates. Nevertheless, to a large extent, I disagree with the statement.

With more education and proper parental guidance, I do believe most of the teenagers would not fall into this shopaholic trap. Rather, these inquisitive people might gain lots of rewarding experience by looking around cosmopolitan shops. They might expand their horizon through learning the most up-to-date technology and fashion or other cultures. They might become more prudent and competent in getting the best deal and in saving up more money. They might become more sociable and outgoing. Not only because they have lots of opportunities to interact with the salesperson and other customers, but also because shopping mall is a great place for a bunch of individuals to hang around and have fun. What is more important? The shopkeeper in these restaurants, supermarkets, cinemas, and other retail stores will benefit from it. The small spending of this large population can greatly stimulate the local economy.

In conclusion, I believe teenagers shopping in the plazas can benefit themselves as well as the social economy.

Really good level of English and no mistakes actually. Personally I would suggest to add more transition phrases to connect your thought better because repeating "they might" 3 times is redundant. I mean - Also, in addition, further extended...

Also last last underlined phrase really stands out with its less formal level - I would write, but its my personal style - .. for groups of adolescents to spend time together and enjoy various entertainment offers provided there.

Hope to get someone to mark my IELTS writing

“Young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on young people and society”. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is understandable that young adolescents spending their leisure time in the shopping centres can have adverse effects on them. The Fashionable boutiques often promote many chic and opulent clothing; chain stores like JBHI love selling the latest upmarket gadgets. Being Surrounded by these tempting products, young adults may be lured to invest huge amount of waste their money in some on unnecessary luxurious luxury items, either by using credit debt cards or through other immoral measures such as compensated dating prostitution, finding a ‘super "sugar daddy" or drug trafficcaking trafficking. This may would not only hinder their study, and damage their physical and psychological health and bright future, but more importantly increase social crime rates. Nevertheless, to a large extent, I disagree with the statement. [The introduction contains too much detail, arguments that should appear in the body. In addition, the last sentence in the paragraph is at odds with the points that came before.]

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