Search from various English teachers...
Italy flagEleonora
G-d created Adam and Eve not Andam and Steve. Discuss The idea and the judgment of the most about homosexuals has changed a lot throughout history. Nowadays it can be said that in most countries they are accepted and in many states they have the same rights as heterosexuals. As a matter of fact, in March 2017, twenty-two countries, most of them located in the Americas and Western Europe, recognize same-sex marriage and grant most of the other rights to its LGBT citizens (LGBT is the acronym for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender). For example, in all the US and Canada there is the egalitarian marriage but in other counties like Italy, Australia, Chile, Ecuador, and others there are only civil unions. We could talk a lot about the various countries where homosexual unions are accepted (even if in a different way) but I would like to dwell on the countries where homosexuality is still a crime. In all Africa, apart from South Africa that totally recognizes their rights, homosexuality is a crime that is punished differently by zones. In almost all Africa homosexuality is a criminal offense but in Tanzania, Kenya and Zambia the offence is punished with the sentence of life in prison and in Egypt and Mauritania it is punished with death penalty. The situation in Asia is not very different: in Saudi Arabia and Yemen homosexuality is punished with the death penalty and in Iran, Indonesia and India is punished with the sentence of life in prison. Regarding Russia, all the country has lows restricting freedom of expression and association and in all China and all Japan same-sex unions are not recognized. It is utterly absurd that in a globalized world there are still so disparate differences between countries, the way of thinking, traditions and mentality towards homosexuals. But we must underline that a lot has been done during this years. In 2011, the United Nations Human Rights Council passed its first resolution recognizing LGBT rights and a UN report has documented the violations of these rights, including hate crime, criminalization of homosexuality and discrimination. In 2006 homosexuality was a crime in 92 countries but in August 2016, homosexuality is committed in 72 countries worldwide. It is not a lot but it is a good start.

Corrections · 6

1

Part One

G-d created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve. Discuss.

The idea of homosexuality and the judgment perception of the most about homosexuals have(1) changed a lot throughout history. Nowadays, it can be said that in most countries they are accepted in most countries and in many states they have the same rights as heterosexuals in many states. As a matter of fact, in March 2017, twenty-two countries, most of them located in the Americas and Western Europe, recognize same-sex marriage and grant most of the other rights to its LGBT citizens (LGBT is the acronym for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender). For example, in all the US and Canada, there is the egalitarian marriage of LGBT persons but in other counties like Italy, Australia, Chile, Ecuador and some others, there are only civil unions.

We could talk a lot discuss extensively about the various countries where homosexual unions are accepted (even if in a different way) but I would like to dwell on the countries where homosexuality is still a crime. In all Africa, Apart from South Africa that totally recognizes their rights, homosexuality is a crime that is punishable to different extents differently by zones in all other parts of Africa. In almost all most parts of Africa, homosexuality is a criminal offense, but in Tanzania, Kenya and Zambia, the offence is punished with the sentence of with life imprisonment in prison(2) .In Egypt and Mauritania, it is punished with the death penalty.

The situation in Asia is not very different: in Saudi Arabia and Yemen, homosexuality is punished with the death penalty and in Iran, Indonesia and India, it is punished with the life imprisonment sentence of life in prison.

Hi Eleonora,

How have you been? Thank you for writing a beautiful piece on LGBT issues. 
I have a few suggestions for you: 

(1) You are writing about two issues (i) The idea of homosexuality (ii) The perception of homosexuals. You also joined these two issues with the conjunction "and". Therefore, these are two issues which require a verb in the plural form (have).

(2) I believe you are referring to serving a jail sentence for life. We use "life imprisonment" to convey this.


0

Part Two

Regarding Russia, all the country has lows poor freedom of expression and association. (1) and in all In China and all Japan, same-sex unions are not recognized.
It is utterly absurd that in a globalized world, (2) there are still so disparate staggering differences between among countries in the way of thinking, traditions and mentality perception and treatment towards homosexuals.
But However, we must underline that a lot has been done during these years. In 2011, the United Nations Human Rights Council passed its first resolution recognizing LGBT rights and a UN report has documented the violations of these rights, including hate crimes, criminalization of homosexuality and discrimination. In 2006, homosexuality was a crime in 92 countries but in August 2016, homosexuality is normalised committed (3) in 72 countries worldwide. It is not a lot but it is a good start.

(1) I noticed that you use "all Japan" and " in all China". In English, it is not necessary to use a quantifier (such as "all" or "most") to describe a country. If the geographical area is vast (such as the African continent), it is fine to use quantifiers (such as "most of the African continent still criminalises....") or adjectives (such as "central/northern/southern Africa"). 

(2) The basic concept of a comma is to separate different elements of a sentence. The first part of sentence (2) elaborates on a absurdity, while the second part of sentence (2) describes the vast difference in perception and treatment. We use a comma to separate them. Therefore, the basic function of a comma is to improve readability of a sentence. 
Another common use of commas is right after an introductory word (eg However / Therefore). An introductory word introduces more information regarding a previous sentence or idea.

(3) We use "committed" for crimes. Eg He committed murder / fraud / adultery etc. I believe that you wanted to say that homosexuality is acceptable in 72 countries worldwide. 

* If you don't mind me sharing, I noticed while I was reading your post that you have a tendency of using multiple commas within a sentence (especially in Part One). While you have committed no grammar errors if the sentences are properly linked with commas and conjunctions, the use of commas in an extended sentence is generally viewed as a poor writing style as it may lead to confusion. This is just my three cents worth and I also share this with my students in class.

Hope this helps.
Cheers, 

Lance

Want to progress faster?

Join this learning community and try out free exercises!

Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!

Start Learning Today