My hometown

I'm Chinese,living in Chongqing now. I have been here over 20 years since I was born (I would change the way you write this sentence, simplify it! "I'm Chinese and I am from a city called Chongqing.") and I really sincerely to welcome you guys can to visit this city one day. It's a magical city. Initially, The transportation system is very convenient. for us People can use  travel by light rail to travel,which is widely considered as a cost-saving and time-saving method. Of course, you can encounter traffic congestion in rush hour, just likw if you commute by bus or car. In terms of the weather,I have to say it's really interesting, it seems like from summer jump to winter over a nigh, ("it seems to jump from summer to winter overnight." end the sentence here!)  The summer is boiling and I even can see heat waves on the road,whereas the winter become is freezing and I have to stick use a heating pad to get warm, Apart from that, during the rest of seasons,you will surprised to find a strange scene---in the same occasion,some of the local people wear coat whereas others wear a shirt. ("In the other seasons you'll be surprised to see that on the same day, some local people will be wearing coats whereas others will be wearing a shirt!" )Finally, I highly recommend the most popular food here---spicy hot pot!!!this eating habits is original due to the typical climate,they need get rid of moisture from their body People traditionally eat hot pot here due to the climate, they believe they need to get rid of moisture from their body.
There are lots of fantastic factors to elaborate the magical city ("There are so many fantastic things about this magical city.")

Watch your spacing. After punctuation, you need a space.

I've never been to Chongqing, but I've been to Chengdu and loved it! I love China! I love hotpot!

My hometown

I'm a Chinese, living in Chongqing . I have been here since I was born, which is over 20 years. I sincerely welcome you guys to visit this city one day. It's a magical city. To start with, the transportation system is very convenient . People can use light rail to travel, which is widely considered as a cost-saving and time-saving method. Of course you might encounter traffic congestion in rush hours if you commute by bus or car.In terms of the weather,I have to say it's really interesting. It seems like the weather suddenly switches from summer to winter.  The summer is intense and I even can see heat wave on the road,whereas the winter becomes freezing and I have to stick heating pad to get warm. Apart from that,during the rest of seasons,you will be surprised by a strange scene - in the same weather some people are wearing coats while others wear a shirt.Finally,I highly recommend the most popular food here---spicy hot pot!!!this eating habits is original due to the humid climate,they need get rid of moisture from their body.
There are lots of fantastic features to elaborate about this magical city.

Very well written!

Just try to make sentences short and complete. You have used the comma too often.

Hope this helps.

Keep it up!