Corrections · 2
Yumi-san, This is very good. I read it when you first posted it, but then I've been away from italki for several days. I'm surprised no one else has corrected or commented!?!
My Diary in English
Hello:) I wrote have written* my diary in English, so could anyone correct it? As it is my real diary, the content is very random. Let's get started; . . .**Immediately after I got up, I could tell my sister was in a grumpy mood. So at first, I tried to avoid hitting getting on her nerves by being silent, but just after just 10 minutes or so, I could not help but speak my mind and said, "hHey, why are you so grumpy today? I don't wanna want to*** take a the dog for a walk with my dog anymore if you keep acting like that". (The context here is that my sister had told**** me yesterday to take a morning walk with our dog today). This made her very very mad. After some arguments, I finally I went for a walk with my dog. But, walking outside in the morning and seeing my dog successfully poop, I became much happier than I had been before*****. Partly because of that walk, though, I was late for a meeting with my friend. Okay, that's not the only reason. It took me a long time to put on makeup today because I wanted to do it in more detail than usual as I got to feel like doing a specific makeup after watching a makeup tutorial on YouTube last night. I liked how one of the Youtubers puts on****** a one-colour eyeshadow although that is not in the trend now. So I put on a greenish eyeshadow. The Youtuber puts orange and that colour really fits her green eyes, but I thought orange does not go well with my black eyes. So I put green. Not very sure about the colour, but it turned quite well, which also makes me happier. But because of all the things, I was late for the meeting for by******* like 30 minutes...
You're right . . . this was random, but good! Sounds very natural. Here are my notes:
* I think the Present Perfect form of the verb ("have written") sounds better.
** Instead of the semi-colon (;) I think the ellipses ( . . . ) is better to say that the next part is about to come, so read on.
*** Why do so many Japanese people use "wanna" or "gonna" when they write? When speaking, this is fine, but in writing it looks bad. Even in casual writing, you should avoid this. (Other contractions like "can't" "won't" "couldn't" etc. are fine - but "wanna" makes it look バカ!)
**** Excellent!
***** 笑!
****** Instead of "puts on" you could also say "uses"
******* "Late by. . . " we use the word "by" to describe the amount. 例えば、if I have a dollar less than I need to buy my green makeup, I'm "short by a dollar." If I ran a race three seconds faster than before, I "beat my time by three seconds."
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