A Happy Field trip
Lily had a party in the nature park with her five friends in the moring.They went to the park this morning.They went to the park this morning.The park is very beautiful,there are many berries in the park."let's pick the berries."lily said.The berry is sweet,everyone picked a lot.And someone eat some.After picked berries,they went to the forest and play games.They are very fun.It's fime for lunch.Everyone was hungry.They have a picnic in the park.Everyone eat sandwiches,salad and bread.The foods are delicious.After the lunch,Lily take our a guitar and began to play.Three of the friends are listen to her,and the other two friends was play with the ducks,they feed them by breads.the party is over.It's a very fun party.Everyone was happy.
(I am a pupil and this is my first english composition)
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A Happy Field trip
Lily had a party in the natural park with five friends of hers her five friends in the morning. The park is was (you have started with simple past, so you have to continue with simple past) very beautiful, there are were many berries in the park."Let's pick the berries." Lily said. The berry was sweet, everyone picked them a lot. And someone eat some of them. After they picked berries, they went to the forest and played games. They are very had so much fun.
It was fime for lunch. Everyone was hungry. They had a picnic in the park. Everyone ate sandwiches, salad and bread. The foods were delicious. After the lunch, Lily took her guitar and began to play. Three of the friends are were listening to her, and while the other two friends was playing with the ducks. They feed them with breads. The party is over ended. It was a very funny party. Everyone was happy.
(I am a pupil and this is my first english composition)
Hi!
It was good, considering it was your first composition.
Good Job! :)
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A Happy Field trip
Lily had a party in the nature park with her five friends in the morning.They went to the park this morning. The park is very beautiful and there are many berries there. "let's pick the berries." lily said. The berry is sweet, everyone picked a lot. And someone ate some. After picking* berries they went to the forest and played games. They were much fun. It's time for lunch. Everyone was hungry. They had a picnic in the park. Everyone ate sandwiches, salad and bread. The food was delicious. After the lunch, Lily took out a guitar and began to play. Three of the friends listened to her, and the other two friends played with the ducks, they feed them bread. The party was over. It was a lot of fun. Everyone was happy.(I am a pupil and this is my first English composition)
*or, After they had picked berries ...
Very well written!
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