Could anyone please correct my TOEFL independent essay? thank you! "Home is the best place in the world". That saying is used for most of the people who start living away from their family and discove

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Rosa del Pilar

Could anyone please correct my TOEFL independent essay? thank you! "Home is the best place in the world". That saying is used for most of the people who start living away from their family and discover the reality of living alone. Others may not feel in the same way, and early start to planning on moving away from home. First of all, living with your family will always give you the companion and support during happy and difficult times at school or your first job. As a young adult, I can understand the idea of independence, looking for an own space to live and own rules to manage. But while my time at university, I know i could never get throught it only by myself. The demand of homework, proyects, exams and elective courses occupy most of my life, I could not have time to cook every day, shopping for the week, work extra time to pay bills, etc. My family support me during those years, and help me to get less stressful, so I could finish my career and do my thesis on time, not as other friends who needed extra time to graduate because they had problems to manage living by themself. Secondly, living with your parents for a longer time give you the opportunity to enjoy several moments with them. So, when finally you have to move out to a new place, you will always remember all the good memories you create with them. Learning to love and care about your family is an important rule of life, because that will be reflect on the new family that you once will make, you will teach your children the importance of family bonds and relationships. Finally, when you stay at home with your parents, you also can have the opportunity to learn about independence. With your first salaries, you can arrange a deal to pay some bills of the house while you live in there. In that way , you will help in the economy of your family, and you will feel vital and useful in your house. Besides that, you will learn to manage your savings and your time. In conclusion, I recommend to young adults to live with your family while you have the opportunity, because you will learn many values from them, you will always have good companions and also it will be very aprecciate on the future by them. Collect and make good memories with the ones who love you more!

Corrections · 4

yes, but we usually recognise our family as our home, specially for young people, of course until you get marry and make your own home :)

Could anyone please correct my TOEFL independent essay? thank you!

"Home is the best place in the world". That saying is said by most who leave home and family to discover the reality of living alone. Others may not feel the same and plan early on to move away from home.

First of all, living with your family will always give you companionship and support during happy and difficult times at school or your first job. As a young adult, I can understand the idea of independence, looking for one's own space to live and having own rules. But while at university, I knew i could never get through it just by myself. The demands of homework, projects, exams and choosing courses occupied most of my life. I had not the time to cook every day, to shop for the week and work extra time to pay bills, etc. My family supported me during those years, and relieved my stress so I could finish my career and do my thesis on time, not as other friends who needed extra time to graduate because they had problems to manage living by themselves.

Secondly, living with your parents for a longer time gives you the opportunity to enjoy several moments with them. So, when finally you have to move out to a new place, you will always remember all the good things you did together. Learning to love and care about your family is an important rule of life, because that will reflect on the new family that you will make. You will teach your children the importance of family bonds and relationships.

Finally, when you stay at home with your parents, you can also learn about independence. With your first salaries, you can arrange to pay some household bills while you live there. In that way you will help the economy of your family, and you will feel vital and useful in your house. Besides that, you will learn to manage your savings and your time.

In conclusion, I recommend young adults to live with their family while they have the opportunity, because they will learn many values from them. The young adults will always have good companions and also the experience will be much appreciated by them in the future. Collect and make good memories with the ones who love you more!

Very well written!

Could anyone please correct my TOEFL independent essay? thank you!

"Home is the best place in the world". That saying is used for most of the people who start living away from their family and discover the reality of living alone. Others may not feel in the same way, and early start to planning on moving away from home.

First of all, living with your family will always give you the companion and support during happy and difficult times at school or your first job. As a young adult, I can understand the idea of independence, looking for an own space to live [in] and own rules to manage [make our own rules]. But while my time at university [during my university years], I know i could never get throught it only by myself. The demand of homework, proyects [projects], exams and elective courses occupy [occupied] most of my life, I could not have time to cook every day, shopping for the week, work extra time to pay bills, etc. My family support me during those years, and help me to get less stressful, so I could finish my career and do my thesis on time, not as other friends who needed extra time to graduate because they had problems to manage living by themself [themselves].

Secondly, living with your parents for a longer time give[s] you the opportunity to enjoy several moments with them. So, when finally you have to move out to a new place, you will always remember all the good memories you create [or "memories you build"] with them. Learning to love and care about your family is an important rule of life, because that will be reflect on the new family that you once will make, you will teach your children the importance of family bonds and relationships.

Finally, when you stay at home with your parents, you also can have the opportunity to learn about independence. With your first salaries, you can arrange a deal to pay some bills of the house while you live in there. In that way , you will help in the economy [or "finance"] of your family, and you will feel vital and useful in your house. Besides that, you will learn to manage your savings and your time.

In conclusion, I recommend to young adults to live with your family while you have the opportunity, because you will learn many ["much", cause value is an uncountable noun] values from them, you will always have good companions and also it will be very aprecciate [spelling check, should be "it will be very appreciated"] on [in] the future by them. Collect and make [build] good memories with the ones who love you more!

Note to Rosa del Pilar: Just to remind you, do you know the difference between a house and a home? A house is a place that we live / dwell in, meanwhile a home is the place where we feel like we belong and it's not always a house. Our partner can even be our home. :=)

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