9/10/2016 My leg slipped and I plummeted into a hole. “Ahhhh..” I landed on a cold floor in a pitch-dark chamber. “HELP! HELP!” could hear my echo rang when I shouted for help. In the inky darkness,

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Misa

9/10/2016 My leg slipped and I plummeted into a hole. “Ahhhh..” I landed on a cold floor in a pitch-dark chamber. “HELP! HELP!” could hear my echo rang when I shouted for help. In the inky darkness, I fumbled for my mini torch light on the floor. Finally, I managed to find it. I switched on the torch light and shone in front of me. Suddenly, a sudden boom of cold ran down my spine, my mouth gaped open. In front of me was an ashen face of a man with a pair wide-open red-eye staring at me.

Corrections · 4

9/10/2016

My leg slipped and I plummeted into a hole. “Ahhhh..” I landed on a cold floor in a pitch-dark chamber. “HELP! HELP!” I could hear my own echo when I shouted for help.
In the inky darkness, I fumbled for my mini torch light on the floor. Finally, I managed to find it. I switched on the torch light and shone it in front of me. Suddenly, a sudden boom of cold ran down my spine, my mouth gaped open. In front of me was an ashen face of a man with a pair wide-open red-eyes staring at me.

9/10/2016

red=mistakes that need to be corrected=写错了，需要改一改

blue=sounds better=听起来更好的

green=my comments=注释

My leg slipped and I plummeted into a hole. “Ahhhh..” I cried out. I landed on a cold floor in a pitch-dark chamber. “HELP! HELP!” You could hear my echo ring when I shouted for help. 英文的句子需要有主语，在这里可以用“impersonal you”.这个句子的先短句最重要的动词是“hear”; 如果一个短句不是复合的（"compound"）, 只可以共轭最重要的动词。于是，不可以把“ring”共轭。
In the inky darkness, I fumbled for my mini torch light on the floor. 在美国，我们说“flashlight”。在英国，平常说“torch”。我以前没看过“torch light”。Finally, I managed to find it. I switched on the torch light and shone it in front of me. Suddenly, a sudden wave/shiver of cold ran down my spine, and my mouth gaped open. Comma splice. 写英文，你所时用逗号来接两个独立短句，需要加连词如and, but, however等。因为已经说过“suddenly”，所以不要说“sudden”。“Boom”只是描述声音的。 In front of me was the ashen face of a man with a pair wide-open red eyes staring at me. 因为一个人只有一个脸，需要些“THE face of a man”。如果你把两个词用成一个形容词（"compound adjective"）, 那么用 “-”子来接它们； “He is a red-eyed lunatic”. 如果你把这两词放在名词后边，不要写“-”子： “He is a lunatic with red eyes”。

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