TOEFL essay 1- Zoos (part 1)
The article states that zoos are essential to a modern culture and provides three reasons of support. However, the professor explains that activists don't believe that zoos have benefits for either animals or society and refutes each of author's reasons.
First, the reading states that animals are treated well in zoos. The professor refutes this point. He states that treatment in zoos is not good enough. He explains that by giving an example of this bad treatment that resulted in two red pandas death.
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TOEFL essay 1- Zoos (part 1)
The article states that zoos are essential to a modern culture and provides three reasons of support. However, the professor explains that activists don't believe that zoos have benefits for either animals or society and refutes each of author's reasons.First, the reading states that animals are treated well in zoos. The professor refutes this point. He states that treatment in zoos is not good enough. He explains that by giving an example of this bad treatment that resulted in two red pandas death.
This is very good, just a few things I would do differently:
The article maintains that zoos are essential to modern culture and provides three reasons to support this statement. However, the professor explains that activists don't believe that zoos have benefits for either animals or society and refutes each of the author's points.
First, the reading states that animals are treated well in zoos. The professor refutes this point. He states that treatment in zoos is not good enough and supports this by giving an example of bad treatment that resulted in the death of two Red Pandas.
I have made a couple of minor changes in the second paragraph but I wanted to show you another way of writing this paragraph as I think you are unnecessarily repeating information:
(The first point, that animals are treated well in zoos, is contradicted by the professor who gives an example of care that resulted in the death of two Red Pandas.)
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