RACING 2
The girl then went to the pond, and got three buckets of clean water. She brought them back; and gave them to the animals, letting them drink their full. It was a happy day for the animals.
The girl swept the floor and dusted the barn. Then she went to where the animals lived and stayed there to rest.
When the next morning came, she heard a galloping noise through out door. She walked out there and found lots of other horses racing. She wanted to enter; she rode on her horse and galloped toward the racing line. She shouted, “Hey! I want to enter!” “Sweet, a new rider!” shouted a boy called Jake, “Yep!” shouted Charlie Read; “Cool!” shouted Carlos.
The girl entered, and raced in front of every other boy. It was cool. It was like that the horse the girl rode was not even touching the ground; it was like that he was floating in the air and racing in front of them.
Of course the girl won the race. And when she reached the finish line, she waited for 12 minutes until all the others arrived. That proved that she was so very, very fast that the other was left behind probably a long distance. The others gave her a chest, and inside were jewels and golden crowns; and even some golden coins and blue rubies.
The girl couldn’t believe her luck. She ran, or galloped off home with the chest on her horse. She couldn’t wait to show her parents the treasure chest. When she returned home, she showed her parents the chest full of cool rich things; her parents were very proud indeed.
It was the greatest day in all of her life. She hoped that the other days would be as great and good as usual.
If you are poor, don’t look upset. Luck is out there, if you keep on with your confident.
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Corrections · 2
1
RACING 2
The girl then went to the pond, and got three buckets of clean water. She brought them back; and gave them to the animals, letting them drink their fill. It was a happy day for the animals.The girl swept the floor and dusted the barn. Then she went to where the animals lived and stayed there to rest.
When the next morning came, she heard a galloping noise through the door. She walked out there and found lots of other horses racing. She wanted to enter (would be better to say "enter the race" or "take part", "enter" on it's own sounds like she wanted to go into somewhere); she rode on her horse and galloped towards the racing line (normally we would say "starting line" which is where the race starts from or "finishing line" - I think you mean starting line). She shouted, “Hey! I want to enter!” “Sweet, a new rider!” shouted a boy called Jake, “Yep!” shouted Charlie Read; “Cool!” shouted Carlos.
The girl entered, and raced in front of all the boys. It was cool. It was as if the horse the girl rode was not even touching the ground; it was like that he was floating in the air and racing in front of them.
Of course the girl won the race. And when she reached the finish line, she waited for 12 minutes until all the others arrived. That proved that she was so very, very fast that the others were left a long way behind probably a long distance. The others gave her a chest, and inside were jewels and golden crowns; and even some golden coins and blue rubies.
The girl couldn’t believe her luck. She ran, or galloped off home with the chest on her horse. She couldn’t wait to show her parents the treasure chest. When she returned home, she showed her parents the chest full of cool rich things; her parents were very proud indeed.
It was the greatest day in all of her life. She hoped that the other days would be as great and good as usual.
If you are poor, don’t look upset. Luck is out there, if you keep on with your confident.
This is good. Comments in blue are just explanations or suggestions. Most of my corrections in red and highlighted are just to make it sound better English. It was very easy to understand.
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