5/28/2016
“Fire!” I waved my sword and signaled the beginning of the fierce fight. Our cannon lit up and cannon balls snapped the plank of the other ship like matchsticks. We tried to draw our ship closer to the ship, intending to board it and seize the booty on the ship.
The exchange of powerful cannon balls shook both ships. The smell of the choking acrid sulfur filled the air; the yelling and groaning of the combatants were clearly heard; the intense was gripping.
The darkness descended and relentless radiant light balls illuminated in the moonless sky. Suddenly a tremendous explosion was heard, and a blast of heat was felt. I shield myself from a shower of burning timbers. Through the curtain of the thick smoke I saw that our opponent was ripped apart ferociously, exploded and disappeared almost immediately from sight, along with its treasure-laden cargo and its 600 crews.
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5/28/2016
“Fire!” I waved my sword and signaled the beginning of the fierce fight. Our cannon lit up and cannon balls snapped the plank of the other ship like matchsticks. We tried to draw our ship closer to the ship (this is grammatically correct but not a very natural way to write, I would change it to something like "the enemy"), intending to board it and seize the booty on the ship.The exchange of powerful cannon balls shook both ships. The smell of the choking acrid sulfur filled the air; the yelling and groaning of the combatants were clearly heard; the intense (not sure what word you were going for but "exchange" would work) was gripping.
The darkness descended and relentless radiant light balls illuminated in the moonless sky. Suddenly a tremendous explosion was heard, and a blast of heat was felt. I shield myself from a shower of burning timbers. Through the curtain of the thick smoke I saw that our opponent was ripped apart ferociously, exploded and they disappeared almost immediately from sight, along with its treasure-laden cargo and its 600 crews.
Overall very good, I would suggest using less adjectives, but it's good that you have them in your vocabulary! Another tip, be careful what tense you write in, and make sure it's consistent throughout. You used past and present tense interchangably! Good effort, keep it up!
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