Essay

Hello Ghasal,

I think that 'Evil Eye' made most of the comments I want to make. Don't forget to make your opinion explicit in the last paragraph!

Task response - 6.5

Coherence and cohesion - 6.5 - 7

Lexical resource 7

Grammatical resource and accuracy - 5 - 5.5  - frequent grammatical error! Spaces and articles (a/the)

It is the last mark which pulls your score down. You must work on grammatical accuracy.

Best wishes

Bob

Essay

There is a common belief that graduation from university is the best way to get a better job. Others, however, think that it is better to gain experience directly after school and I disagree with that. In this essay I will discuss both sides and draw some examples.
To begin with, some people believe that it is more beneficial for individuals to start a job right after school and gain more experience rather than complete their degree. This is good for those jobs which do not necessarily require a university education. For instance, a car mechanic or fashion designer. They can can gain more experience and have a distinct advantages over people who have a degree.
On the other hand, university certification provides more career oportunities and opens more doors to achieve a bright future, especially for many people who have ambitions to become a qualified professional and get luxury jobs, There is no doubt it is impossible without a high level of education. For example, to become a lawer or doctor, these jobs require university education. Moreover, some popular conpanies will be more impressed with a candidate who has a degree more than with someone who has a high school diploma because it shows a high level of intelligence and education that the person gained through university.
To sum up, it is possible become a successful person without completing a university degree, but by graduating from university you have more choices when it comes to choosing jobs.

-Leave a space after a period or a comma, not before them.

-Work on article usage ('a', 'the'). This was the most common correction that you needed.

-The word 'certification' is never used for university degrees. We use it for completion of short-term training programs.

Essay

There is a common belief that graduation from university is the best way to get better job , however, others think that it is better to gain experience directly after school and i disagree with that. In this essay i will discuss both sides and draw some examples.
To begin with, some people believe that it is more beneficial for individuals to start job right after school and gain more experience rather than complete their university. This is good for those jobs which are not necessarily need university education. For instance, car mechanic or fashion designer .they can can achive more experience and have distinct advantages than people who have degree.
On the other hand , university certification provides more career oportunities and open more doors to achieve bright future. Especially so many people have ambitions to become a qualified professional and get luxury jobs ,there is no doubt it is not possible without high level of education . Forexample lawer or doctor ,these jobs requier university education. Moreover, some popular conpanies will be more impressed with candidate who has degree more than people who have highschool qualification because it shows high level of inteligence and education that person learn through university.
To sum up, it is possible become a successful person without completing university course while, by certification from university you have more choice when in come to choosing jobs.