The magic of Eye Contact
As long as it may seem the most obvious thing in the world for confident people who take it for granted there are also a lot of folks like me perhaps that whether because of lack of self esteem, habit or just neglect they just don't look other people to the eyes while talking.
Having at least 50% sustained gaze in to an strange's eyes can feel a little uncomfortable if you are not used to it, i have spent 20 years of life terrifying this, i never was a confident as a child neither as a teenager, the use of glasses and an squint left eye didn't help, but the main reason was just ignorance. Since this last year i am really at studying human relationships, social dynamics and even in the PUA world(i just finished reading "The Game" by Neil Strauss awesome book). I wanted(and still want since this is just the beginning of what i hope will be a life-changing journey) to become a good communicator an to connect more with people, not just for my own benefit but because i think is really cool. As long as i started practicing to talk more to people, and more important to listen to them i was amazed by the good results it got. People love to be listened, but still i was missing the most important part, eye contact, it was the perfect the moment to implement it, one step at a time, practicing with relatives and setting reminders all around the house, this is the most important part otherwise you will forget all this within hours, believe me.
After a month of implementing this technique i can tell this was one of the most important discoveries of my life, most people really feel appreciated when you do it, like if you were 100% with them and not thinking in other stuff, also after overcoming the discomfort part i feel like 100 times more connected with the person, and it helps me to focus on them, even girls seem to be more attracted to it, there is a rule that says the perfect amount of eye contact for most situations is 60%, and i do believe it, this should not annoyed anyone, of course there are situations that require lower percentage and others that require a higher one(these are the bests :) ) use your insights!.
Its incredible how sometimes we can forget or like in my case never "learn" something as simple, and so human, if you are like my "old" self please you got to try it and make me know how are you dealing with it!
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Corrections · 2
1
The magic of Eye Contact
Although it may seem the most obvious thing in the world for confident people who take it for granted, there are also a lot of folks like me who, perhaps because of lack of self esteem, habit or just neglect, just don't look other people in the eyes while talking.Maintaining at least a 50% sustained gaze on a stranger's eyes can feel a little uncomfortable if you are not used to it. I have spent 20 years of my life terrified of this. I never was confident as a child, nor as a teenager. The fact that I wore glasses, and squinted in my left eye didn't help, but the main reason was just ignorance. Over the past year i have been really studying human relationships, social dynamics, and participating in the PUA world. (I just finished reading "The Game" by Neil Strauss - awesome book, by the way!) I wanted (and still want since this is just the beginning of what I hope will be a life-changing journey) to become a good communicator and to connect more with people, not just for my own benefit, but because i think it's really cool. Since i started practicing talking with more people, and more importantly, listening to them, i have been amazed by the good results it has gotten. People love to be listened to, but still I was missing the most important part, eye contact. It was the perfect moment to implement it, one step at a time, practicing with relatives and setting reminders all around the house. This is the most important part, otherwise you will forget all this within hours, believe me.
After a month of implementing this technique i can tell this was one of the most important discoveries of my life, most people really feel appreciated when you do it, like if you were 100% with them and not thinking in other stuff, also after overcoming the discomfort part i feel like 100 times more connected with the person, and it helps me to focus on them, even girls seem to be more attracted to it, there is a rule that says the perfect amount of eye contact for most situations is 60%, and i do believe it, this should not annoyed anyone, of course there are situations that require lower percentage and others that require a higher one(these are the bests :) ) use your insights!.
Its incredible how sometimes we can forget or like in my case never "learn" something as simple, and so human, if you are like my "old" self please you got to try it and make me know how are you dealing with it!
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This is very interesting... i have always thought that people who avoided looking me straight in the eye were either hiding something, or avoiding something, and were therefore untrustworthy. I now know that there are a lot of reasons why some people find direct eye contact uncomfortable. There are cultural dufferences, for exampe. Korean schoolkids are tought to lower their gaze when they talk to adults, which is seen as a sign of respect. There may be neurological reasons... I know that kids who are on the autistic spectre often avoid eye contact. In any case, I have completely changed how I perceive this now.
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