Advantages of improved medical care (1)
It is true that upgraded medical care enables living longer for people today and lengthening life expectancy.
Although common knowledge dictates this updated system lead to huge burdens on young people, I suppose that improved health care helps the society to be beneficial in the long term.This note will discuss the issue in detail.
In the first place, there are some people arguing that better medical treatment causes a large number of old people.As a result of a numer of older people,we have to pay increasing taxes.this rising duties force young people to be under pressure.However,I believe that there are so many great advantages.
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Corrections · 2
1
안녕하세요^^ 영어 되게 잘 하시네요! 와!!!
There might just be some expressions here and there that I would have used in a different way...for example you could say:
- up-to-date (=that includes the most recent information) or technology-driven medical care
- allows people to live longer (or enables people to live longer)
- helps the society to benefit more in the long term (although beneficial is fine as well)
- better medical treatment produces (instead of causes) or leads to a growing number of old people
- "as a result," (you can use it on its own because you've already mentioned "old people" in the previous sentence)
I think you did a pretty amazing job overall though!
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