Corrections · 5
- Hello 水烟轻澹!
Only a couple of changes! It is a very good piece. You are a natural storyteller.
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High Altitude Sickness
I went to Lhasa by train on the 19th of last month.I was quite worried about high altitude sickness, because spring has less oxygen than summer. (I didn't know that! An interesting fact!)
It took 3 days from Shanghai to Lhasa. On the third day the landscape was great:
Morning sunshine on the grassland to make made it look like a big gold blanket. Small rivers or and streams were still frozen. The Snow covered mountains there are about 5200m, but they looked like small hills.
I could see A lot of animals out of window: yaks, wild donkeys,sheep,birds,etc. (Use a colon ':' because you are making a list of animals).
Baby lambs loved to stand close to the train just like what little kids do. When I saw the half-iced frozen lake,I was really excited to the max!(When we are describing big bodies of water like the sea/rivers/lakes, we always say they are 'frozen', not 'iced'. You normally only use 'iced' when it is describing a cold drink with ice in it like 'iced tea'. You will also occasionally see 'iced-over' written. For example "the lake was iced-over". This means ice was over all of the surface).
Later I felt had a headache, and felt like vomiting as from car sickness and sweated a little bit. My heart beat in a strange way which was hard to describe.I looked into a mirror and I saw my lips turned purple. (Oh dear!)
I took 3 days to get used to the Lhasa altitude. It was painful during that time but it is was an unusual experience now think of it.
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I hope that helps 水烟轻澹! Please continue to write stories for us!
Have a great weekend,
Benjamin 本杰明
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